2001-03-21 | 01:36 a.m.

The tragedy about this all is that this time I know thing's won't return to normal. Or whatever normal I actually did have with this person. And while it suck's I also think that maybe it was meant to be to begin with. Not like I can't party with the best of this person's people and all - not that. More along the lines of we walked across a line that we thought we couldn't do, thus giving us the knowledge that friendships don't really last. And maybe they aren't supposed to. Maybe after a few years you're supposed to say goodbye and move on. I know I hurt this person but they actually hurt me just as much. And I will take it in and swallow it because you see people think I'm a drama queen. I'm not. I can let this fester within me. Because I know that to speak of it would allow other's to see how horrible I can really be with words.

I know this is going to hurt. And I know it will take time. And I'm prepared to go through with it all. Prepared to realize that I'm not this person's friend anymore. Prepared to know that I won't be around this person anymore. I won't see them. I won't talk to them. I won't hear the 'juicy' gossip. But such is life. Like Flav's once told me, you live and you learn. And perhaps that is what is needed of me right now.

Today was the 2nd day at the job. It's nice I like it. It's strange in the fact that I don't feel like I have that much pressure on me to do things. Of course wiht moderation I have to get my work done and not be a jackass and do nothing. That's not it. I just feel like in this new gig no one is being a little bitch. But it's only been 2 day's so things can change. I never know.

I really want this Kate Spade wallet I saw in Bloomingdales the other day. It's black and made of leather and just the perfect size. I want it. Really I do. But it's expensive and I can't seem to find the justification for buying it. Does the fact that I just REALLY want it merit the fact I should buy it? I don't know. I used to have a red Kate Spade wallet which I would love to find again but apparentlt it got lost in my room. And it boggles my mind because I cleaned up everything in my room. But now I just can;t find the wallet. And I know it's in here somewhere - I just don't know where. It sucks. I want it back. Damn my room for hiding it from me! That smaller size wallet is perfect for me. The leather one I want is also perfect because it allows me to store photo's in it also. (No I'm not finding reasons for me to buy it.) Plus like I could anyways - I have no money. I need to get my paycheck and that's only happening in 2 weeks so for right now it's just sweet dreams. Ahhhhh......damn. Right about now is when I wish I were rich. Of course right about now I also realize how much of a spoilt brat I am - please excuse me.

I have to get to bed. I have work tomorrow and lord knows I'm not a morning person. I gotta get as much sleep as possible. So I'm off.

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t