2001-04-10 | 10:29 p.m.

I hate my womb. And ovaries too.

Well ok I don't hate them because I'm sure I'm going to be happy when they allow me to have kids. But as for right now I dislike them. Let's face it, as women, do we always really need to get our periods? Can't we just have a button or switch on our body that allows us to decide which month we want to have our periods on? Granted I would probably always have the switch on thus allowing me never to get my period which I guess in turn just screws up the whole mankind and procreation thing. But still. I really hate being on the rag right now. It's the back spasms and mind numbing cramps that I can live without.

What's up with these models now a days? Now I know that we have beautiful full figured woman out there but why is it that when I look upon someone I happen to see walking down the street or at working out at work or hell in a magazine I realize that they have the reverse Ethiopian belly. The stomach that's so thin it caves in.

I have to begin to wonder about my body. Because I'm not thin like those woman. I wish I were. I wish I could fit into a great pair of hip hugging jeans and this great little baby t shirt that exposed just a wee bit of my flat tummy and I would just walk down the street.

No not walk - strut.

I would just strut and shake what my momma gave me. But see my momma didn't give me that. My mom gave me a body that can't fit into a tight pair of hip huggers and cropped t shirt. I'm all pale and round. Sort of like a beached whale at times. But hey I know I'm soft. Lord knows I've spent enough time putting lotion on my skin. That and sometimes I smell like a baby thanks to Johnson & Johnson.

I don't understand the weather. One day the sun is out and it's warm and on the same night it's pouring rain. Now today when they said it was going to rain it was nice and warm also. I can live with the nice warm weather. Really I can. In fact I'd love it. But what's up with rain and showers tomorrow? I'm so not happy about that. Either it stays nice or let it just stay crappy. Don't tease me like this because I like the sun. Hell I wish it belonged to me so that I could take it out of my pocket whenever I wanted too. This way it would smile down upon me all the time.

I'm a little crazy I know. But is it considered REALLY crazy if you hear music when your around someone? And I don't mean like some sort of pop song stuck in your head. But something grand. Something that leaves me breathless and wanting to hear it all. And I end up bobbing my head to whatever tune swimming inside of me and this person always ends up looking at me funny.

I don't know if this makes me certifiably mad. I just know that I feel good. Like warm sun on my skin. I just know that I smile and giggle a lot. And it's not because I always feel like I know the joke that we've somehow never just shared. No not at all. More like fuzzy warm that spreads along my body like the blood coursing through my veins. It's good, just like the sun shining in my eyes. Of course I also hate the sun shining on my eyes so I guess I shouldn't say that. I'll let it go.

Yeah, I'll let it go...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t