2001-05-29 | 10:04 p.m.

A word of advice. Blowing up my cell phone with annoying call's is not getting you anywhere in my book or in my pants. Let it be said here and now that I get VERY tired of crap like this. Always questioning me gets me very tired. Thus making it very easy for me to start walking and never turn back. Back the fuck up or get used to the idea of not having me around for anything. I see true colors easily now, so don't try and wash them in shadows. I have no shame in my game so don't have any for yours.

I am from a different world. Really I am. I have fought many wars and battles and I am taking my sunshine now. And I smile. And I breathe in deep. And I look. I observe people and I seriously look. It's so much easier when you have a filter. When you know what's bullshit and what's not. I was so naive before not to keep this filter always on me. It's amazing the amount of bullshit you have to wade into before you acquire yourself what you want. And I have. And I am getting more of what I want. So now I don't put myself down anymore. And I don't let anyone do that either. And every time I look up and around I smile. I grin from ear to ear. Because I know that its getting good. And more moments like this are going to come my way. And so I smile. And I know pure satisfaction.

I kept staring at his body this Saturday night. And I have to say that his body is tight. But in that toned way. Not the bulky sense that so many male forms I know take. And the way he flows is mesmerizing. Let alone when he touches my hips as we move together to the beat of whatever the DJ is pumping. I'm taken by him. I really am. I enjoy the eye candy he offers me. But I know its not a reality. And so I bounce so quickly. I let him kiss my wrist and move away from his grasp. Because you see its easy to shake it with somebody. To work the body in tandem with the other form as a European blend bounces of the walls. What freaks me is the out of control thing. It's easy to lose control in the dark in a room full of noise and strangers. Not so easy alone and staring into a man who wants to fuck you blind. So its easy for me to walk away. Easy to brush the pads of my fingers across his moist lips and back my ass out of there as fast as I can. I could run a marathon I tell you. When I have to move I move fast. I'd rather not sink or swim so I just run. And I do so fast. No use keeping what you can't possibly have.

Had a bite to eat after work with an old friend from college. I hadn't seen her in a while and as always she looked good. She noticed the change in me too. How I look satisfied. And yeah baby, I do. After dishing with the girl I hauled ass, stopping by to grab the birthday shoes. And yeah they are slamming. High, pin up cute, and I know I'll be able to kick ass in them. (Everything this girl loves.)

And now I'm home. Filling up the tub with hot lavender scented water as I finish typing up this bitch. Wanting nothing more than to soak in bubbles and smile the night away as I listen to the sweet melody on my walkman.

You know what's funny? This girl is a friend of mine. A good friend since high school. Talk about crazy shit that you just find out all of a sudden. But hey whatever floats your boat. After all there's a motion in the ocean for everyone.

And hey honey does this mean I know how to kick it with you? Because if that is so you can count on me anytime. (I held my own didn't I?)

Well this chick's out. I need to bathe in bubbles and sing along to old school Madonna and sitting here facing this monitor ain't doing the job.

Kisses...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t