2001-06-13 | 8:40 p.m.

There's a time and a place for everything. And while my birthday is tomorrow and my birthday party is on Friday all I want to do is close my eyes, blow on a candle and wish I was standing alone in a mass of desert land. Sand everywhere. Sifting through my fingers. I'd sit and sing 'Tiny Dancer' for a while.

And I know I'm going mad. I can feel the wheels turning. I know the functions when I'm starting to get mad. When I'm starting to go all girl interrupted on myself. I know because I've been there, done that, and gotten the t shirt. I know mad. I've stared it straight in the eye. Of course I was looking at a mirror at the time but who am I to pinpoint anything.

25! 25 years and what have I accomplished? Anything? All I have is what my parents taught me. How to hold my fork and knife. How to be ladylike and princess like and all this bullshit. And what I really want to know is any of this crap going to get me anywhere? Am I going to find my prince charming? Am I going to ever get that break that will make others realize that I'm funny or that I can act. Will all anyone see is what I do? Because if that's the case I'm fucked. Because what I see ain't so pretty. Its more along the lines of what James Dean was when he got totaled in his car. The star that never shone but was smashed into dead skin, bones and blood.

You know the devil is knocking at my door. I don't know if I should answer it or not. I just know that some things are looking mighty fine and I might as well jump while I can. Because if I don't think for myself now, when am I?

Screw this. Screw that. Screw everything. And that my friend is the fucking dealio...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t