2001-06-16 | 1:49 p.m.

Go sell crazy somewhere else, I'm all stocked up here.

Last night was just silly. Silly in the aspect that lord knows why I even tried to throw an event. I was surprised that some people came. I was a little shocked others didn't even bother. But frankly it proves my point once again. How far people are willing to go for one another.

I've exceeded my limit and last night only shows how much I have given but not have gotten anything back. It's like I finally saw who was for real and who just played. And you know what? They are all poseurs. Poseurs of various forms, but that's what they all really are. And I understand it all now. And I am going to play the same game. Why be so openhearted when people will step all over you? So not my bag anymore. You live and you learn.

.keep.on.pushing.harder.baby.

I'm not going to settle for a mundane life anymore. I'm going to live every minute of it. It's my turn to stop feeling tortured. I'm going to push all my boundaries away and I'm gong to color outside the lines. Because there are no lines. Lines are what other people place on you. What society places on you also. If I want to do something I will. Because why stop myself for fear at what others may think or say or do? There is a lot more to life than that. And I have a lot of life in me yet.

I presumed I was in a cage before. I'm not. The only cage was of my own making. I've broken the steel bars and am walking free. And I am free. I've got a little devil in my eyes but I'm finally letting go.

Letting go and not falling? Yeah it's a first for me. But I have a feeling that I'm going to seriously enjoy every minute of it. I'm going to blast my way into this. I'm going to be up for anything. And I'm not going to say no. Because if I say no I'm stopping. And who the hell wants to stop? The rules have changed, and it's a whole new bag. And I am flying. And I'm going to push it harder baby.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t