2001-09-12 | 3:19 p.m.

I woke up this morning hoping it was all just a horrible nightmare. That nothing was destroyed by terrorists. That this evil didn't come knocking on our front doors.

Yet it did.

And when I opened my window today, even though the sun shone, I smelt death in the air. Anyone can tell it's not just another day. Hell has broken loose thanks to some fucked up terrorist action. And it's like trying to put order in this chaos, and its not working. Having this happen just shakes me to my core.

And so this morning once again I lit candles and prayed. Prayed for the lost and prayed for those who are still missing. Went to work with a heavy heart only to return a few hours later with a heavier heart. One friend is dead. The other is still missing.

I am *really* trying to be hopeful about his return. I am trying to believe that he will return alive and not in a body bag. And it's so incredibly hard for me right now. So I came home and stared at this computer screen. Stared at the TV screen. There is nothing more I can do. I have tried to donate blood only to be turned away because of the overwhelming response. I have tried to recover what little hope I have and pray. But what god would do this? What god would let such evil come into our lives and create such mass destruction of people and of this beautiful city? And why?

I have no more words. And yet I still pray.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t