2001-09-14 | 12:08 a.m.

I miss my city. And it's not just the skyline. People say that back and forth but it's not just the skyline. The city is wounded as Riot stated. I thought it was also a gaping wound. But I can't classify it as that just yet. Of course there's this space inside my heart that is missing. Being that WTC was such a strong and beautiful part of this city. It's just that there's something more now. Maybe it's because I will never get to see this beautiful sight again:

That's also probably why my heart aches at this sight. Never again. We will rebuild. Re-group. Strengthen. But never again.

I'm having a lot of trouble figuring out how to act. I catch myself finding everything about me irreverent. I won't listen to music for the same reason. I suppose this is a form of survivor guilt, wondering how it is that life can proceed business-as-usual when a friend is dead and now 2 others missing. Not one. Two.

The only thing's swimming inside my head now, apart from hoping and praying, is what do we do? Where do we go from here? And I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do that won't affect innocent people. I thought about war. About bombing a specific target. But they know who they are, and they have more than enough time to prepare. They're sitting there calmly, listening to us all cry, "We'll find you! We'll retaliate!" During the time it takes our leaders to get answers and form a plan, they'll be ready for us. And that's scary. then I thought well we can just capture the specific people responsible. But then what? Put them to death? But you see, these terrorists have shown that they are prepared to die. Death is too good for the bastards. And unlike the terrorists, this country isn't a group of barbarians. I hope we won't indiscriminately kill civilians. I hope we will do all that we can do when retaliation comes. I want to make sure the guilty pay. But not the innocent.

And I know for a fact that there is no back to normal. My life, along with others, will never be as it was a week ago. I and everyone else I know in this city, has passed a coming of age. We've lost our innocence and security. We know we aren't infallible. We've seen and heard the horrific proof before us. Our ways of life will change forever. Everything is different now. But we are still humans. We still have our minds, hearts and our souls. And we have the proof of that, too in the people of NYC who are doing everything possible to help out. No, there will never be a back to normal. But I want to believe that with hope and love and pride things will work out again. I have to believe in that. If not they win. Those bastard terrorists will won. And I will never give in to them.

Before I forget I read this today because it was forwarded it to me and I cannot agree with it more. So read this.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t