2001-09-17 | 4:46 p.m.

I stayed home from work today. I literally couldn't deal coming in and plastering on that mask. Making sure it wouldn't fall off all day. So I stayed home. I need to get my shit together and just feel ok. Well not ok but be able to deal in my regular work schedule. Yes it's VERY sad I've lost 2 of my friends but I have to re-energize. Re-build. And I know sitting in my office today was not going to help me, so I'm thankful to have been able to stay home.

So I stayed home. Listened a lot to the Hedwig soundtrack and tried to make myself stronger. I thought going to the gym would be a good thing so I changed and went. I got there. Did an hour and came back. I have no fucking clue what I did or how many times. I was just on autopilot. That's ok, at least I did something. Spent some of the pent energy within me.

As I was walking home I managed to fall. Crossing the street, minutes before cars started to move again I fell. A cop on the other side of the street ran up to me and helped me up. 2 cop encounters in 2 days. You'd think I was searching them out.

He was very nice though. Brought me to the other side of the street. Kept asking me if I was ok. I was. I was just scraped up. My right hand palm is scraped up but that's ok. My knees were red but they just got banged up a bit. The only thing that really hurt was my head. I managed to thump it hard on the damn fucking concrete so it hurt like a whining bitch. But the cop was really nice. I think his name was Steve. He was nice. He checked my head with his hand and told me to be careful and smiled. I nodded my head which wasn't the smartest thing to do because I felt like my brain rattled inside it. But I went on my way home.

And now I'm home. Ice on my head and a patched up hand. The only band aid I had was a Winnie the Pooh band aid. I look almost silly. I don't care though. I should be happy I didn't hurt myself any more that I did. Still my head fucking hurts. I really should pay more attention. As of late I've been walking around like I'm a damn zombie. I need to fucking focus.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t