2002-02-15 | 4:37 p.m.

If I squint my eyes and look closer, I've found that I can see what really matters to me. The fine lines that sometimes everyone misses, including me. The stitching on my skin so fair I can't tell them apart at all until I see them up closely. I trace their faint lines with my fingers.

And I know I'm different from anyone that may label me. And I know I've been labeled. I've flirted with danger way too many times to know that self hatred isn't a pretty color on me. And I've made certain choices that I know to be true and some I've made have been mistaken. But you live and learn.

There is no use extending olive branches to people who don't know what they mean. Everyone loves you when you have something they can take and you can give. You become non-existent the minute you stop giving what they want. You learn that no matter how hard you try you can't make diamonds out of pebbles.

And so life goes on and you disregard others and guard yourself against your better judgment. Because its easier to draw lines when your crumbling. Then people come into your life again and you think everything's changed. But when you end up caring enough you realize that nothing's changed. You've just accumulated a new circle which you will soon disregard. So I prefer to dismiss these circles. Let them run into each other. And run they will because they're all fucking blind.

Leaving the office an hour and a half ago was absolutely marvelous. I've already taken a power disco nap and now am going to finish running my errands before tonight. I only wish that every Friday was like this.

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t