2002-05-25 | 10:27 p.m.

As usual, when I feel like ass I try to self medicate myself. Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker. I didn't get pissed but I was buzzed. And as my luck would have it I managed to be at a place I would never step into had I the chance to do so again. All these college kids listening to some new rap song. White boys thinking they were ghetto thugs. So strange. There was one guy who looked a lot like Scott that fueled my fantasies for a bit before I got up and left. But basically it was a little off.

Maybe I'm just the one who's a little off. It seems as if everything lately has been just a little off. I feel as if I am always fighting an uphill battle with everything. I know life isn't easy but it can't always be this hard.

I fell in the middle of the street today. I was crossing the street from Bloomingdales after purchasing my MAC stuff and suddenly all I felt was the hard concrete slamming into my head and my knees and palms throbbing with pain. Two guys came up to me and helped me up. I thanked them in my daze. I don't know how I managed to fall. There wasn't a crack on the sidewalk and it's not like I was wearing high heeled shoes. I was wearing flip flops for godsake! Still I fell, and fell hard. My knees are still red and my elbows are all scratched up. Lovely really. The head still pounds and it's been a few hours now. How I managed to smack my head as I fell I'll never know.

I was supposed to go out tonight. I even called Kwazyboy and left a message saying I was up for the night's activities. But I'm not. I'm already in my pj's and I doubt I'll be changing to go out. It's gotten colder compared to what it was earlier on. Plus I'm also in a funky blue mood. Not good for going out at all. It would just be me wasting money and god knows I'm not blatantly rich to do just that.

I cut my hair today too. It's all chopped up. I'm not sure if I really like it. When the hairdresser finished and I looked at it in all it's glory my heart fell a little bit. I paid and left and bit my lip. I think she overdid it on the chopping action. But as the day progressed I got a little used to it. Still I'm not quite sure I like it at all right now. I tell myself worse comes to worse I could just chop it all off again. But it already took so long to grow out now, which is frustrating. I should of just stuck to my regular trim and not have asked for the layer crazy hairstyle I saw on a magazine. (I never learn). Oh well, it's just hair...it'll grow out eventually.

I'm done. Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t