2002-10-14 | 11:47 a.m.

I wanted to do something Saturday night. So instead of moping around at home and sulking at the fact that no one that I knew actually wanted to do jack shit, I decided to do something myself. I got up and left my place and went to check out White Oleander. I figured instead of being home alone I could at least be in a movie theatre alone with the rest of the movie goers. It felt kinda weird to go alone since I'm so used to watching movies with Kim. Especially since we're snarky together but it wasn't that bad at all. The woman next to me kept trying to instigate a conversation and I just didn't give in. I looked at her once then looked away. I was in no mood to talk to strangers. I hate people like that. If I'm alone it doesn't give you the chance to strike up a conversation. Maybe I'm alone because I actually want to be?! Dumbass. Anyways...

The movie was interesting. I'm still not quite sure if I like it or not. I think I have to think about it for a bit. It dragged in a few scenes and there were other scenes that I thought could have been more developed. But all in all I wasn't cursing myself for shelling out ten bucks to see it. After the movie I came home and made myself some pasta in a pink sauce and while usually I enjoy my cooking I wasn't feeling my food at all. So I packed it up in a Tupperware container and shoved it in the fridge. I should have just had a bowl of soup or some cereal. I have a cold and can't taste or smell shit so it's not like the pasta would have squashed my craving at all. The tastebuds are gone till this cold leaves me which really blows.

Sunday was spent really doing nothing but moping about in my room. My period kicked in and made me want to rip my insides to shreds. Love the fucking cramps. So I chilled as much as possible. I was going to see a movie with cornflake boy but as usual he flaked. And what's humorous is that I knew that was going to happen so I just stayed in my pj's all day. Had it been a year ago I would have been ultra pissy, now it doesn't phase me. I think it's just because I don't care. No wait that sounds bitter. I care but not as much as I used to. It's like I know how he is thus I'm prepared. Plus he's a flake so I never really believe the plans are set when it comes to going out with him. Anyways so I moped about the house and did nothing. Cramps kicking in means I do nothing. I watched Alias and The Practice and they were both good. I then crashed big time.

I have no work today. You'd think I would have a shitload of things to do. And yet here I am. At home in my room. How lame. I better get cool soon or else I may bore myself to death. I would love to go out and buy myself like a winter coat and winter pants. But I have no money to do so. I have noticed that I do need them though. It's not like I'm buying clothes for no apparent reason. After looking at my closet I have realized a few things. Most of the stuff I have is for summer. Fall is starting now and winter will be close after. I have enough sweaters, but in terms of pants I really don't. The essential pants that I live in from Old Navy are way too thin for winter. I can wear them with tights and that will do to a degree but I'm going to need wool pants and a heavier jacket. I have one from Old Navy but it's one of those big puffy black jackets that makes me look like Michelin woman. What I need is a classic wool coat and some pants. I'm not talking major shopping. I'm just saying like 2 pairs of pants and a coat. This blows as I am chubby and its hard enough for me to find clothes that fit. It needs to be done though, before the cold weather really hits because if I wait till then I'm sure I'll freeze my fatass over. I need to check out the fat chick section at H&M when I have cash. Hopefully they will have both. That or check Bloomingdales for a winter coat. While this sounds like something cool to do it's just another way to spend money that I don't have and that is just not fucking cool. *gggrrrrr*

My cramps are kicking in once again so I'm going to go lie down. I have nothing new to say. I'm still in a funk which I don't know how to get out of so there's no point babbling on about it here since it's just the same old shit but on a different day.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t