2004-01-08 | 5:39 p.m.

I was supposed to go out and have some fun tonight with girlfriends and go watch a band called daybreaker. But due to the fact that I have a massive cold, fever, and have now started my period my fatass is staying put. Besides I know I'd end up one cranky biatch at the end of the night at Lit so might as well not deal with it all and just chill at home.

Tomorrow I'm going to meet 2 aquaintences from my old job along with my other friend who left a month after I was laid off. Unfortunatly we have to meet within the Times Square area as they need to go back to work after but it's fine, we're going to meet at an Italian place we've all been to before and liked so it's all good.

I kinda broke down last night. Big, fat, wet tears streaming down my face. I couldn't stop at one point. My mom kept hugging me telling it would be ok but for the first time in a long time I don't know if that's entirely true. Sometimes even unconditional love can't take your pain away.

My dad told me that I didn't have to worry about the trip to Brasil. That he would use his air miles to send me there. He also told me not to worry about money while I was there. He said we'd discuss that later, which generally means he's going to take care of it for me.

While this is incredibly generous of my dad (and umbelievably wonderful as usual) I'm still going to save every unemployment check I get up till then. Only because I want to take as much money as I can. I want to shop there. As spoilt as that sounds, it's not. There's stuff in Rio that one cannot buy here in NYC or anywhere else in the USA. Plus I don't know when I'll get another chance to go also after this trip so basically I'm going to make the most of it. Granted stuff there is pretty cheap so I think I'll be ok with what I end up saving.

It was just very sweet of my dad to have said that though. I know whenever he can he'll take care of me like that. I just wish that I could do it for myself. Till I get a job I can't. Which sucks. And unemployment checks will end next month too. Right now life just doesn't seem fair. All I want to do is find a job and it seems like it's the last thing I'll ever be able to go.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t