2004-03-19 | 12:37 p.m.

I need to try to stop crying.

I also need to try to find a balance once again.

Just because some twat didn't want to hire me doesn't mean it's the end of my world. I just have to deal with defeat once again. And it sucks and I know it. But things can only get better from here on in. Or at least that's what everyone tells me while I keep chanting that like a mantra to myself even more. It's just that now a days I don't know if I actually believe in it or if I ever did at any point.

I literally feel cursed.

Must stop crying. I wish I had an off switch when it came to my tears. I haven't stopped except to hiccup every few minutes then I start back up again. And crying is such a lame thing to be doing. I mean I should suck it up some more rather than being this pathetic with my emotions. And yet the tears haven't stopped from falling yet.

I hate my life right now, I really do. Words cannot express how much sadness I feel. It makes me look worthless and I'm beginning to feel that way. Because if I can't get a fucking job then what else can I do? Really, not much right about now.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t