2000-04-14 | 05:30:58

My head is spinning. I feel like I haven't slept in years, months, days, minutes...

I hate school. What frustrates me even more is that everyone and their mother tells me I should just hold on some more since I graduate in June.

Well whoop-di-freakin-do!

Handing out that little nugget of information is not something a college senior in her last semester wants to hear. Especially one who is so filled with work that it seems she could stop breathing and the world would still move along and shovel more work at her. So whomever tells me that again is warned because I think I have every right to smack them upside their head with one of my thick textbooks.

To top it all of, because my life is so simple and boring, I am having drama from the other. I don't need or want his crap. How far do I have to go to actually make that obvious to him? It's over. It's dead. No amount of torture he inflicts upon me will make me want him anymore. The past is the past. I wish he would let me go. And it's not like I'm this huge sexy glamourpuss or anything. He can, by far, reach out and touch someone a hell of a lot better than I. And yet he still chooses to reach out for me.

I wonder if whatever god there is up there is trying to punish me for something? Maybe I stepped on an ant when I was a child and am now getting the crap for it. Whatever it is I just don't like it and I wish it would go away. But then again it's not like wishing is actually going to physically move it away.

But I won't do it. I won't fall down like he expects me to do. I will stand here brave and tall (in all my short tubbiness) and I will survive.

*insert Gloria Gaynor song here*

I'm trying to make a point here. I know I am. Except now all I can think about is how John Leguizamo (sp?)in "Freak" played that song when his 'mother' told his father, Fausto:

"Ai! Fausto I'm leaving you!"

OK I'm leaving now, my brain has left for the day as anyone can tell...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t