2000-05-10 | 02:04:56

I know I shouldn't complain since I was the first to claim that I wanted heat when NYC was freezing cold. But okay, I've had enough. I don't like the heat at all. I'm like a big tubby assed baby that way. If I am under the sun I just want to sit somewhere and feel the breeze pass me by. And I get MEGA cranky in this heat. I can't help it though. It's the heat, I just don't do well in it.

I have to say I am a little surprised that Angelina Jolie married Billy Bob Thorton. I just can't seem to picture them together. When I saw "Pushing Tin" I just saw no chemistry between them. But then again it might just be that the movie sucked a tad, but still no chemistry what so ever between those two in my book...

I want to get the new Ani DiFranco cd. I heard a little of it and just as usual I am itching to listen to it all, which means I need to go to some record store and purchase it. I usually buy cd's on the street - the bootleg version's because they are just cheap and just as good as the "real" ones. But Ani DiFranco is not the type of singer they carry so I have no problem buying a "real" cd since its worth it. So tomorrow I shall do that after class.

Writing about class I only have 2 finals left! I've written out my paper and now all I need to do is type it up. I've picked the prints I want to do from my contact sheet and now I just need to make my final prints and I'm done! DONE! That just sounds crazy and super and odd at the same time. Knowing that I will never have to step foot in that school building will be a good thing, but the idea of finally being in the "real world" scares me. But then again I think it might scare anyone who is coming into it now. Too many choices, too many decisions. I just need to vegitate after school for a bit. Just do shit I want to do. Which means I'll be making a few tapes for people that I promised I would for them. I will sleep in. I will be able to sit back and not have to worry about reading a textbook - I'll be able to read whatever I want. And I will. I'll read all the books I've missed and wanted to read. It will be hella sweet!

I can't believe my college life is almost over. As much as its exhilirating it's also scary. But I'll cross that bridge at the time my feet step on it.

I have other issues, which I always seem to have now a days. I'm trying not to be Amaya-esque but there are some things that are just not fair. I mean in this specific case I know he would never want what his mother is doing now. He was afraid of fire and no matter how many people tell me he is resting in a better place by now I still know that I'll hear his dead screams as he burns into a fine soot. He never wanted that and I shudder at the fact that I know she is going against his wishes and doing this. And I get this type of news over the weekend and I'm supposed to feel okay with it all. Well guess what? I'm not! Time has passed but he is the only open scar I do have. I'm trying to move on as I should do but it's not easy when I keep getting reminders of him everywhere. I don't talk of him with a lot of my friends. I hide that fact from most of them. So it's not like I want to open up that can of worms all the time. It hurts and what she's doing hurts more. Because I feel like I should stop her and yet I have no power what so ever. Once again I'm sitting back and watching the event happeinng. And I can't do a damn thing about it.

And why is it that my life is filled with so many events like these?

*grrr*

I'm tired. And I think I'm getting fragmented so I'll stop here. NOW...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t