2000-05-25 | 06:46:26

I think I'm too hard on myself and others. I should learn how to let stuff go. I know I should. Except I never do and I always end up sitting with my head in my hands and crying. And that's not a good feeling at all.

I've got to realize that everything is ending but also beginning. This is a new chapter in my life and I shouldn't be this scared. I shouldn't be cowering in the closet. I shuld be prancing around in the streets - dancing in the rain so to speak and acknolwedge that college life is gone and now the good part starts.

I've got to remember that. I really do.

I missed him at work today. Its funny how when he's not around it feels so empty. Like I know I'm missing something, which is a nice way to put it I guess. He's been such a good friend, and recently I've found that he doesn't betray me like a few others do. And that's always good to find out that a friend is loyal to that friendship and in return you.

I'm babbling. I know he wouldn't like me talking about him but then again I'm not using any names and no one at work even looks at this, so I don't care.

I can't seem to get this Melissa Etheridge song out of my head. But then again I can't seem to get her whole cd out of her head. Its just beautiful. Just as beautiful as the new Matchbox Twenty one is. Then again I always loved Matchbox Twenty so I didn't doubt their new cd wouldn't rock.

I don;t think I know the act of flirting very well. I mean I just really suck at it. I end up either babbling on and on or being the quiet one. Not a good combo if you ask me. I think the only way I get more loose is when I ply drinks down my throat. But then again I'm not a big drinker to begin with so chances of me getting that trashed aren't that good to begin with. Oh well. I guess I'll just observe as usual.

My flowers are wilting. My pretty pink roses. I love them so, but they are wilting. I should take them out of the vase. Dead flowers are never a good sign. I think I'll buy myself some more flowers again. Who knows? But for the time being I'm going to drop my head on my pillow and sleep! Because that is something I've been lacking for quite a while!

Later Alligator



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