2000-06-11 | 05:44:15

I know that right now I'm supposed to pursue my dreams, setting goals, and trying to live my life to the fullest. But this doesn't mean that I should be getting trashed all the time and being a complete dork. Because lately I have been. And I fucking hate it.

On the 9th I had my party. All I have to say is that I am a complete imbecile and I should realize that I will never have a good birthday. I will always have a fucked up one. I should acknowledge this and not try to beat the situation. Its never going to happen so why should I even bother with it? But I live and I learn and next year I'll just not even remember that its my birthday.

I feel horrible. Its hot and stuffy here in the city and the fact that my throat is giving up on me is not helping. That and the fact that my body is telling me a good old fuck off because its just lying limp here. If I could laugh without having it hurt I would. But I won't even attempt to. Everytime I try to take a breathe my lungs hurt and then I start coughing and wheezing and really its just an incredibly attractive thing to watch. That and the sheen I have all over me because my damn AC does jackshit to make the air in my room cooler.

I watched "Son of Sam" finally. It was on the telly tonight and it stopped me dead in my tracks. (I was contemplating on going out to rent Dogma). So I sat and watched and thought how incredibly silly John Leguizamo looked and how out of character he seemed to be. How Mira Sorvino is just boring and had no sex appeal. And how I wish they would have delved more into more thing or another. Skimming around in both pools was just annoying. I would say it might have just been me and the mood I was in the whole day but I truly think the movie sucked. But whatever. What I want to see now is Dogman. Sooner or later I have to do that. I have to get my tush in gear and go rent it. Yes I'm annoyed by Matt Damon and Ben Affleck, but I can lull my sense of gagging whenever they are on screen if I can just see some more of Jay and Silent Bob. I love them. They crack me up, and you can bet your ass I have watched the past 2 "Clerk" cartoon shows. And I'm hoping that they will stay on for some time, because it is great humor.

My throat is killing me and I feel like I'm a sauna once again so I'm going to go drink some water, stand infront of my refrigerator for a bit then try and get some sleep. I'm hoping it starts getting cooler again. I can't deal with feeling like I'm stepping into sauna's all the time.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t