2000-10-08 | 16:18:42

I finally did it. I left on Friday and didn't even look back. And I'm sure I should have stayed on another week to get the 2 week paycheck but fuck that. I need to be happy and I'm not happy there. So I'm not going to stress about it now. I'm going to search for something I really need and want and love so that I can go to work everyday and not feel like its a death sentence. So I'm proud of what I did. I really am.

I'm done with the whoel halloween costume thing. Seriously. I'm going as a fallen angel. Wearing my leather skirt, then the corset and the black feather wings with the black feather halo in my hair. Oh and the fishnets. Can't forget those. I was going to buy a pair of shoes to go along with it but fuck it I have a buttload of come fuck me shoes that can work with the outfit. I sure as hell know that it will be one crazy night. But thats the best thign though. Halloween is one of my favourite holidays because it gives me the chance to act like whomever I want to be. And this year its going to be a sexy little fallen angel, and I am so gonna work it.

This past weekend was a little chaotic. Friday night was fun because I went out with girlfriends and we hit a couple of gay bars and it was just a good time. E even came out with us which was surprising. But anyways I laughed continuously and it was just a good night. Saturday was just chaos. I mean really. I thought I could relate to these people. I can't and I won't. They feel all these rush's but I can't do what they do and I won't. I finally took a stand and said no to many things and walked away from other shit. It's not me and it never will be and I'm not going to hang around to watch them all fall. And they will, give them time and they all will.

I wonder why it always comes to that point. Why I always step back when people put me in the spotlight like that. But its not the spotlight I want. Their spotlight is filled with burnt holes and it hollers at me. I don't want that at all. So this time I'll just step back. And I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with them to do what they do. And then I look at myself and at the people who still stand by me and don't do that shit. E and V and M. And I know they aren't innocent - hell I've been there to all of them when they've all had their moments. But they've never gone as far as these other people have. I'm glad I have the balls to do this. I'm glad that I can step back and realize whats wrong and whats not. And I'm glad I stepped back from living in their world. Let them call me a bitch, fuck if I care.

Oh yeah the real Slim Shady is stepping up big time and I'm proud of what I did and who I am to know that I'm strong enough to get up and tell them all to fuck off. I never thought I was but I am and I'm more than proud to be who I am.

I'm going to update my homepage tonight. Not gonna do shit tonight. Just stay home and watch some Sex and the City and then fix up my homepage. I know I haven't updated there in a while and I should because I can't become such a fat ass that I dont' even update. So that will be done tonight or anytime today that I get a chance to do so.

As for now, gotta go.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t