2000-11-03 | 23:45:52

No one is big enough to go at it alone. Why do I assume I can? I'm so confident and abrasive and I think I can conquer the world alone. I lose people and I try not to let it bother me, but in the end it does. It really does. And so now I'm trying to be all indpendent and go and do stuff on my own but that is so sad.

Yesterday as I came back from St. Marks I realized I was the only one walking home alone. Not that I want to become this slutty person. I don't. I just want someone to have some light of theirs shine on me. It just felt so empty and I felt so sad that I seriously looked down all the way home. I didn't raise my head at all and instead probably consumed like 2 or 3 smokes while waiting for a non exsistant bus.

And tonight I go meet up a friend who owe's me a movie. We are going out go see Charlie's Angels. That is if we can get in. Hopefully we will. I know its a fluff movie but I want to see fluff tonight. I want all that glitter and sillyness. I could use some of it big time. You know just to pacify my senses so I can consume a few ounces of the good gin. That or wine.

Thats it for now. I need to sit down and eat with the units then get into a tub and pretend I'm a princess and I can let all my worries go in a sea of scented lavander bubbles.

Joana



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