2001-01-02 | 09:29:13

I think I can live with my decision's. Or at least die trying to stick to them. And I think I've already won in some levels. I'm not scared anymore. I don't feel weak. Instead I feel like I'm going to start running my own empire. And I'm trying not to think as much as feel and that's awfully hard for someone who's spent her whole friggen lifetime thinking. But maybe all my decisions have been made so that now I can step off into a new porch and dance until people start really noticing what a shiny star I truly am. And I'm scared to some minor extent though. Going through all of this alone is probably one of the hardest things I've done. But if I accomplish it then I can relax and realize what a strong and beautiful woman I really am.

There are a few mean people on this earth. Well actually living in this city. And I think I'm doing a good job of reacting differently with each one. I'm standing up for myself and not letting them taunt me. They haven't been getting their way and if it comes down to the thin line they won't be getting their way with me ever again. Because I do learn from my mistakes and I'm not letting anyone shove their bullshit up on me anymore.

I have a whole day free tomorrow. To relax some more. I start work on the 3rd. And while I'm excited to start at this new location and working with these cool bright young people I'm also wondering if I can do this. I think I can but the jitterbugs are inside of me and they fly around like they need to be let out. Hopefully they will settle down by after tomorrow.

So the millenium has started. I didn't make any resolutions because I never do. I suppose it would be healthy to stop smoking and eating rich food and all that blather. But I do what I do because I enjoy it. I'm not going to stop anything until I feel its time and I'm ready and I want to. So yeah, I am woman hear me roar!

=)

I can't seem to sleep tonight. I don't know what's going on. I'm tired but I've come to the point where I'm so tired that I just can't fall asleep anymore. And that point ladies and gent's is horrible. What I would do for a strong blow over the head or some sedatives right now. Ahhh yes delirious sleep would suit me better than no sleep at all.

I'm kinda boring right now. No rich words or thoughs spilling over. So I guess I'll just end it here and now and not bother anymore.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t