2001-01-23 | 04:56:23

Some people think I'm weak. I know this because I see it coming a mile away. I may use humor to deflect the situation but you know I'm sick and tired of bullshit. I take chances but when someone crosses the line I have no problem hitting the road and walking away for good. No more 3 strikes your out with me. You fuck up, you fuck up good and you lose whatever you had with me. If people assume I'm all sugar and sweet they have no clue what trouble I can be. I am not going to let this situation get out of control. I'm not going to take chances at all. I offer something that no one can purchase or win. It comes from within and its special. And not in that hallmark cheesy way. In the way that you can't measure. So I'm not going to let this get out of control. I'm going to do whats right and whats in my heart - and this time they are both in stride.

I feel like I've come around the bend and I'm walking on a new path now. I'm more responsible. I'm more head strong. I'm more passionate. I'm not letting the little things get in my way and if such little obstacles occur then I step right over them. Not around, but OVER them. Never did that before. I used to hide and lurk from them. Now if I don't crash right through them it's about me going over them. And that is the magic thats in the making. And its in me and no one else can fuck it up for me. Because I know who I am and what I want and where I'm about to go. And if someone steps in my way and chooses to deviate my path - then I feel sorry for them because they are getting their asses walked upon. This time no one is going to use my heart. This time I've grown a fucking brain.

I need to go out soon. Sometime this weekend or something else. But I don't want to go out to drink and sit in a bar or lounge. I want to go out and dance. I want to feel bodies next to me convulsing with the beats and rythmes of the songs playing by dj man. I want to feel the pulse as it hits my body in waves. I want to dance with someone, moving to the beat and knowing we are just both there to dance are asses off. Not to sit and play little games with people scoping you out. (Are you part of the fashionable crowd or not? Who the fuck cares.) I need to dance. I really do. It's only in a packed floor that I finally feel free. When I go to clubs wearing 'comfy shoes' knowing I'm not going out for the game but for the sheer energy the music can offer me. I need to do this. And I need to do it soon. Because I'm tired of doing the fasionista scene for a while now. I need to just breathe. And I won't do that until I hear my song play and shake my ass on the dance floor. And I pray that this will be sooner rather than later.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t