2001-04-21 | 2:59 p.m.

I'm not the kind of chica who gives up. Oh no! I have gotten teased and I've been mistreaten. But I stick my head up high and still hold on. Because its the people who tease who have no knowledge that sooner or later this ugly duckling will become a swan. And I'm waiting for my turn. And I'll be patient. Because I don't give up so easy. Never have, never will.

And when I'm told things that I know I should ignore I bat my eye's and pout my lips and hold up all the strength I have. Because I won't be the one that won't laugh. I won't be the one that won't giggle. I'll smear that red lipstick as I kiss the mirror. I'll talk and show my affection. There will be a time when I won't be able to control myself in boundaries. And I will look head on as people stare me down. I will wink. I will think 'eat shit' and strut. Because I know there is a struttin sex kitten within me just waiting to pout her lip glossed lips and walk in those heels. Bat her dark eyelashes against her pale skin and make sure that everyone knows she was there. Because I know I can. Because I will. Because as Limp say's 'I'll keep rollin, rollin, rollin'.

And fuck you Kwazyboy for thinking that you play by your own rules of the whole game. You don't. You're a pawn of your own boundaries. You play like your from the 'look at me, look at me, look at me' planet. You think your all that and a bag of chips. I just want to know how much of a man you really feel like when you make sure that I'm not as good as you are? When you say things that make me see you for real. I'm so tired of your mind games and your words. I keep thinking no matter how much shit you say to me I will always be here because I'm a good friend. But the truth of the matter is this - do I need all your bullshit? No. Do I need to take you attitude? No. I don't need to know what I would be without your friendship. I just need to know that you'll be here without all your bullshit. You never hesitate to state your words. Do you have any fucking clue how much you hurt when you spout shit that you don't realize hurts me? No. You put all this shit out there but you don't see me for real. You see the chubby girl that follows you around. The one who laughs at the words that could break me. But I'm washing away all my tears. Because when I'm done, you're gonna see the butterfly. You're gonna see the person you created with the harsh things you say you don't think about. And I'll be the one having fun you ass.

And I'm gonna keep on struttin. Because after all this madness. After everything is long and gone I'm gonna be the one here. I'm gonna be the one with the good heart. With the child's smile on my face. With the mirth. With the knowledge that I never fell through the cracks. I never hurt people on purpose. I don't treat people like ass. And I'm beginning to realize that people who do can just stay where they are. Catharsis and metamorphis are acts only the true at heart can attain. I may not surf the real world as some of you may think but at least whatever world I live in , I know that I am true at heart. And I just want to live. Is that a fucking crime? I don't want to hurt. I don't want people who say they love me. Who say they care for me to treat me bad. I don't need that shit. I never have and I don't want to now.

Now I'm not gonna be weak. I'm not gonna break. I'm going to fight. I'm going to keep on moving. Because I am smart. I am beautiful and fuck anyone who thinks different. My parents made me for a reason. I am a beautifl person in and out and anyone who doesn't believe that can eat shit. And in my years to come I will become more beautiful. I will turn from caterpiller to butterfly. And when my wings spread I hope that you see me. I hope that you realize I'm not going to allow you to compromise myself. Because I am more than you in so many ways.

I am blessed. I am loved. I am cared for. And I have the strength to not give up. I will make it and now I want to see if you do.

Because can you?



p r e v i o u s // n e x t