2001-05-03 | 4:55 p.m.

I am getting played.

I know this. I see these shady people, and I see the way they act. And maybe it's because I'm too stupid. I believe that people are good at heart. That no matter how much they play with your mind they still seek the best for you. And that is so stupid to believe. Because these people are shady, and slowly I'm getting tortured and not even fully realizing it.

I'm going with the flow they push unto me. Fuck I have no backbone when it comes to this. I really don't. It's like I misplaced it when shit like this happens. When truths are out there and you turn your eyes away from them because they are making you a sour girl and so you'd rather not look at them and live in denial.

I don't think these people have reasons. Or at least good ones. The one's they give are empty like a hollowed out well. And they expect me todo or to say and I'm not even thinking about following them anymre. Their currents will want to take me places but I've come out of the damn ocean and I'm stareing back at it defiantly I don't want to swim in all this bullshit.

What I need I don't have right now. And sometimes life is like that.

The light shines the other way so that you can see people's shadows. The one's they try so hard to hide from you. And there's a reason why they are so persistant in their hiding. It's because it's not good and you won't like it and when you see them for them, you will understand where you stand in the whole grand scheme of things.

And you will shudder at the truth and you'll close your eyes and put up that shield. Because your fucking wonder woman, and you don't need them. And you can get through just fine. So you count to 10 and open your eyes and realize that they stand where they think they've always been standing. But you, you've moved. And with that movement you will now know.

You know it all. Or at least what they think you don't. And your moving and they are still standing there. And it will always be so. Constant movement until you stop. Until you realize what's true and what isn't. What types of people deserve you and which don't. Until then you will always be moving. And they, they will stand where they have always been - pretending to not play you. It's a fucking shitshow and one of these day's your reckoning is coming.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t