2001-05-16 | 4:02 p.m.

Swirls of emotion within me. I'm even a little nuts. I'd make the perfect sundae if someone bit into me.

Sometimes I think things are moving too fast, sometimes they move to slow. People give me love and they show me insightful things. But they don't come home and take a good long look at my mirror. They don't see what I see. And I don't recognize what I do see anymore when I do look. I have shades within me that are promises of what's to come. There is no clear color. No true statement that makes me see. I see it my way. I'm going to have to play my way also. And if I fall I'm going to have to have the courage to get back up by myself. I can't want to get used to the feeling I had in the past. As I see it now it's getting to be long gone and buried. And that's ok. I'm turning 25 soon. I have to grow up one of these days.

I'm beautiful. And I'm kind. And I'm not going to fade. And I love deeply and give as much as possible. One day other souls will see this and smile. They will gather and they won't walk away. I will find the fate that I fought to seek. I will find whatever calms me and soothes me and I will smile. The smile of the one that is loved and cared for and that knows that good-bye's don't mean forever. They mean so long for now. I will know how to be stable and put one foot infront of the other and make my own path and not follow others. Because I am lovely. I am good in what can fit into the category of good and I can become something better. Someone better.

I will not cry anymore. Because the pain I feel is non existent in others. It's like a fly - they swat it away. And my love and friendship is true. I'm not something to be swatted away. I may not have that many circles. I may not be 'trendy' or 'cool'. But I do know that each and every single day of my life now I am going to find something to challenge myself at least once a day. I'm going to overcome obstacles I didn't think I could. And I'm going to do this for me. Because I'm going to grow up. I'm going to grow up smiling and not crying. I'm going to turn 25 with something to show for it.

And I'm going to start now.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t