2001-05-24 | 7:50 p.m.

"What's amazing is when you can feel your life going somewhere, like

your life just figured out how to get good, like, that second."

~ Angela, 'My So Called Life'

I know someone. This person is carefree and reckless when it comes to having fun - something I've never been very good at. And this person is making me see so many bright colors that I'm shocked every time I giggle beside this person. This individual has a way of doing things - of drawing me into its existence to where nothing else seems important. And it's not like I'm addicted. I'm not. It's just new and fresh and just so vibrant. And I'm amazed at how when you least expect it someone comes along your way and offers to share the bubble gum and hands you a piece.

Perhaps this is why I now feel this feeling within me. Like yeah, madness has come whizzing by but its ok. I'm ok. And things will continue to be ok no matter how deep the lows and how high the highs. And it's hard to explain. It's hard to express in words how I feel. It's just this content silence surrounding me. Like I can smile even though its raining. Like I can draw outside the lines and not have to worry about anyone looking over my shoulder. It's this newly acquired contentment, and damn is it good.

So this is how it begins, I now realize. I am growing up to be the poised and independent woman that my family raised me to be. And I am silent, watchful, excited, and glancing at one side to another from time to time. My eyes are bright with wonder. And I realize that I don't have to ask the hard questions now. I don't need to talk about, or think about my future. As far as I'm concerned, at this very moment, everything is right within my world. And you know I haven't felt like this for some time. And I have to restate this. I mean I feel that the past and the future is now spread out around me like a fog. It's suspended in the moment, brief as a soap bubble floating up from a bubble bath. And I know that I am blessed. And I know that I am only in the beginning of everything. And I know that there was a time when all these crazy things would disturb me. But those things I thought were important have now become meaningless.

Crazy as that may be, it just is.

This week is almost over and truthfully I am very thankful that I will get a chance to sleep in late. Nothings better than snoozing in bed. You know the stage when your not really sleeping anymore but your just stretching and cooing under the comforter and wishing for the sunlight not to creep out through the blinds. I love those times. They are warm and cozy and always make me feel like I want some more. Thankfully I will be able to since I - like many - have Monday off.

I'm also finally not crackwhore broke. I have cash in the bank which is very boss. Not that I'm going to do anything with it but pay bills but hey it's good to know that tomorrow I can buy msyelf a good lunch without having to stress about how much money I have left in the week.

(I am so easily entertained by the small things, I know...)

On to other cool things. I have recently asked artsykelly to revamp my little diaryland portal and she said she would do it. And also because I absolutely adore her X File collages, I asked Tere if she could make a collage for me. She said she would also! Which only means one thing. And what is that may you ask? When this little baby pops out all refreshed things will be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! You hear me people, A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! I can hardly wait. But I will. But still when the new layout comes along and I get to add a new collage things will be bitchin! So yey, doing the happy dance as I type, which only means another thing. (I'm a dumbass - yes I know.)

So there's the dealio. New layout= sooner or later. Me= happy. Life= good. Comes down to the bare necessities my friends. The bare necessities.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t