2001-06-20 | 10:08 p.m.

"Speaking of horses, I like to play them myself. But I like to see them workout a little first, see if they're front runners or come from behind, find out what their whole card is, what makes them run."

"Find out mine?"

"I think so."

"Go ahead."

"I'd say you don't like to be rated. You like to get out in front, open up a little lead, take a little breather in the backstretch, and then come home free."

"You don't like to be rated yourself."

"I haven't met anyone yet that can do it. Any suggestions?"

"Well, I can't tell till I've seen you over a distance of ground. You've got a touch of class, but I don't know how, how far you can go."

"A lot depends on who's in the saddle."

~ Vivian & Marlowe, 'The Big Sleep'

Living in the big apple you'd think I'd get propositions like this all the time. I don't. It's a good thing though. Because last time I looked in the mirror I wasn't a hooker. And you know even though it was a cut to the chase moment, and it was ballsy of him to ask I also am proud to say that I am remarkable for saying no. I was being true to myself. It took maturity and strength. I won't apologize or feel bad about my decision. The moral ambiguity of the whole meeting would be too hard for me and I wouldn't be able to deal. Plus I am a sweet, intelligent, vivacious woman. Remarkable woman actually. And it comes down to that really. You can't tame someone that doesn't want to be tamed.

Of course I did go all Charlotte on myself in the beginning and start saying 'eww' to this and to that. Because really if you think about it, at this time and age its dangerous. I would be playing with fire. And let's face it its not the smartest thing to do. I wouldn't know if this would make me fly further to sanity or insanity. So I'm glad I decided on the big fat No. I'm glad I decided to step away from the damage before I could do it.

Yeah I am a kickass chick.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t