2001-07-16 | 7:53 p.m.

I had somewhat of a epiphany this weekend, which finally let this shattered part of my life go. Made me heal. Made me become stronger. Made me realize that I'm happy and that no one can take that away from me.

There are haters everywhere. There are people who are superficial and tacky and want nothing but be the best. But how is that possible when there is hate in their hearts?

My grandmother told me once that you can't be happy with others until your happy with yourself. That your world won't feel right until you acquire the things you need deep inside that will set you free. And I don't mean money or other materialistic things. I mean peace of mind. Faith. Love. Compassion. Strength. I've found all of this. I've found it in the big things and in the little things and within me. And I'm at peace.

So when I see a person I once knew throw hate at me I don't feel sad for myself. I feel sad for them. If there was smoke in the air there must have been a fire. I asked what I asked because I was confused. I was told one thing by one person and something else by another. What I saw validated so many things spoken to me. What I heard made it even clearer. That's not to say I wanted to drop everything. But in my heart I knew I had to. I hope nothing but the best for them. I just also hope that they leave me alone. As they asked I've gone my way. I find it amusing that they can't stick to their rules and go their way.

I'm currently reading Going Down. I love this book so far. It's cynical and I love the character telling the tale. She holds the books shape. If that makes any sense?! It's just very good. It isn't something intricate. In fact it's quite the opposite. It's just refreshing hearing stories from a NYC that I wouldn't know of. I've got 4 more books after this one. I want to try and read as much as possible. I want to get back into that habit. For a while there I completely let it go. But now I've immersed myself in it again. And it's amazing how nice it feels to read a good book. I get lost in it and as much as I love watching TV I am beginning to realize how good reading a book is also.

(It's the little things...I tell you.)

Work today was tiring. A plethora of paperwork. At least the time flew by. But still I'm dead tired now. Got invited to Cubiclegirl's birthday shindig. I think I'll probably go. I just have to see my schedule. Not that its busy but I want to save money after I get back from Rio for another trip with a girlfriend. So I'll see.

And honey your welcome. If I thought that tiny little box (and yeah it was tiny) would make your day so much better then I would have sent it to you days before rather than have it sit on my desk. But I'm happy you liked everything and we are complete goobers because when I got the disco ball I thought that you could specifically hang it in your car. I guess great minds think alike. And not to worry if I don't have to come to LA for work I'm there anyways! We're going to kick it right girl. We're going to make it K & G town..(and you know we can.)

And that's that...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t