2001-07-17 | 10:30 p.m.

You know something's wrong when you wake up and your back hurts like hell. Apparently I had pulled a muscle when I slept - god knows how, but I did. I have a knack for this stupid shit. So I walked around all day feeling like someone had taken a sledge hammer to my lower back - oh joy!

Next week I go to Brazil. I don't know if I can contain my joy. It has been too long and I will only stay for a short time but whatever it takes it will be well worth it. Nothing can compare to that feeling though. I get this tug at my heart whenever I am near them. I become stronger. I feel shards fly back at me and melt into one gigantic piece. Their is strength and love and passion within my family. And when we all come together I know I will feel fabulous. In my pretty in pink gown and the whole family around I know I will feel simply marvelous. God just thinking about it makes me feel warm inside. I can't wait till I'm actually there surrounded by everyone.

I was talking to a girlfriend about sex last night. Sex and love to be more precise. And she told me that she thinks that maybe my standards are too high. I don't think they are though. I mean I don't think that I'm asking for much. I just want someone who will stimulate my mind and my body. And I know I'm versatile - that's for damn sure!

I just want something different and something complete. And if that's too much to ask for then maybe I am a little screwed. But hey the fun is trying out everything till I get a right match. I thought it was amusing though. That my lack of a man makes her sometimes feel uncomfortable. Well not uncomfortable, more like she wonders if I will ever get my act together. The thing is that I'm not stressed about it. If it comes it comes. If it doesn't then it doesn't. Basically whatever comes my way I will make the best out if it. And that's all that matters anyway. You know making the best out of it all. So if I don't ever find a 'match' then it won't really bother me. Because there might be a match somewhere out there, but I'm just not looking for it at the moment. It's not that I don't want to at the time being. It's just that there is too much living to do.

Sidebar: This chick has an amazing website. I'd love to have her talent. Her illustrations are dope and I just thought I'd give her a shout out since she really does have a rocking website.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t