2001-07-31 | 10:24 p.m.

Let me take you to a new place, where my face is always smiling. Where my mirth is bursting into tiny soapy bubbles filling the air. The belly laughter. The giggles. The endless smiles. It's all there. And it's in a world I have been living in for the present. One I don't think I want to give up at all. One I won't need to.

I'm part of a great family. A Fellini family, but a family none the less. One filled with love. Care for what I do and say. For who I will become and who I am. And there's nothing like having that. I realize how damn lucky I am just to start off on that right step.

And I admit that I stuck my nose in business I shouldn't have. That I went where I shouldn't. But I've gotten myself together now. I know my future is set in the stars and all I need to do is seek my way.

And I'm not worried anymore. I'm not stressed. I'm not a so called drama queen anymore. I don't create the drama so that I can feel like I am living. I don't create the drama to push and pull at people to see how long they last. Because truthfully the only people I need are the ones that are within my family. And yes of course it's good to have friends but I don't think I need them to be my end all and be all. And as I look back to my past I realize that drama is unnecessary. It's ridiculous. Life twists and turns so quickly that I don't need to be the one cranking it from side to side.

It feels good. You know, living like this. There are no more obstacles in my way that I have created. Only the ones that my fate has. And that's ok. I can deal with those. I've got a steady mind and a passionate heart and I know I can now be level headed, compared to the dimwit I was previously. But that's ok. You live and you learn after all. And as every day passes I become more educated too.

I think I'll be going to the beach and then to a pool party this weekend. Which should be fun, even if I don't know anyone apart for one chickadee. I have to remember that if I do decide to go which is most likely, that I have to buy SPF. Yes I'd love to get some color but the only color I'll be getting is that lovely lobster shade and not a terracotta one. So I have to remind myself of that. Or else I'm screwed.

So if everything comes out right, including the money being deposited back into my account and getting my paycheck and all that other hoopla I don't have to worry about cash for a while. I'm thanking my lucky stars I got my check back from the USA Treasury (even though they lied and my sum of moolah was not what they had stated from the beginning,) I'm still kinda thankful I have the cash, well the check. Makes other stuff possible. Which is always good.

And that's that.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t