2001-08-15 | 6:21 p.m.

After everything I've heard and seen this is what I've got. Me. And while I'm choosing not to play games I see others still do. And it's going to come back and hit them on their faces. And it's going to hurt. Because been there, done that, and gotten the fucked up T-shirt. And while I see people scheming like this, I thank my lucky stars I gained the insight to drop everything and deal with what I had to, or throw out the old. If it's broken then there's no sense wasting time to fix it. If it wants to mend then it will. And I'm not annoyed. I'm not bugged about anything at all anymore. Because as everyone fades away I'm here walking to my own beat.

And things crash, believe you me, they do. And I messed up left and right but I picked myself back up and I'm still walking. And I have to wonder if one day I will lose sight of these crashes? If they will simply occur to other people. Or if they still happen will I take the good away from the broken pieces like I do now? And not to say they are broken, because I don't think that anymore. More like worn. Too worn. And maybe I can patch bits and pieces up but most likely I'll store them away so that when I look back I can smile and think this is the material of my life. The people. The places. The heartbreak. The love. The hurt. The ache. Everything. It will be my life etched out in worn patches and it will hopefully still allow me the vision that I have now. I won't fail. I can breathe without others, and I am still going to strike it for all it's worth. Momma didn't raise no fool. Like the song say's : 'I'm a survivor, I'm not goin give up, gonna work harder." And I will. Because I've made it this far and I know I can make it even farther.

No sinking embers here anymore. Nothing but reviving the flames to keep myself warm. I've been where I've been and I'm looking to the future to see what I've got in store for me now.

Yesterday I downloaded a ring tone for my cellphone. This month, whenever someone calls me, I now have the Pink Panther theme. Its really cute. I was going to get the 'My Fair Lady' theme ring tone because that is one of my favorite movies. But the Pink Panther ring tone just called to me in a silly 'I-wanna-be-Special-Agent-Joana-in-the-FBI-but-I'll-settle-for-Pink-Panther-on-the-cell-phone-mood.' (Thanks to this I will forever want to tote a gun and pretend I have a partner named Fox. And he would be just as yummy as David Duchovny.)

Onwards...

My weekend starts today. Yep you heard me. I took Thursday & Friday off for commitments I have to be at. But that's ok. At least I won't be working on Thursday & Friday. If you ask me that's just bitch-ass. Plus I get to spend happy hour with one of my favourite women tomorrow. Which means that my weekend is starting out pretty cool if you ask me.

I have got to stop taking photo's with my I-Zone. That sucker is addictive and I have way too many wiggy stick on pictures already. I suppose I could create with them but I'm in no mood to do so. Instead they lie in my drawer piling up. It's getting out of hand. But I'm sure sooner or later something will pop into my head and they will become a great NYC nick-nack. Mostly because all the stick on photos are of stuff in NYC that one might know of. That and stuff like trash cans and traffic signs. (Didn't I cover the wiggy photo aspect already?)

Anyways I'm off. Stuff to do and it won't get done with my fatass sitting here.

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t