2001-08-17 | 10:22 a.m.

It took a while for me to figure out things. Where lines were defined. Where people would and wouldn't cross. Where mistakes were made and where battles were won. And I'm smarter now. And I see what I thought I couldn't see in the past. And I realize what goes around comes around. I realize what one person does to me will come around and bite them on their ass. I don't compromise myself anymore. I won't allow myself to fall so another can step on me. And it almost happened again. And people thought that I would falter again. but after all the crap I've gone through it's time I woke up to life's lessons. And while she may think that she outsmarted me, she hasn't. Because you see, if I know that she doesn't know then the ball is in my court and I am going to seriously funk up this damn game because this girl doesn't play stupid anymore.

Yesterday I went to 'happy hour' with Flavs. Really wasn't happy hour, more like early dinner and lots of talking. But that's ok because I always love spending time with her. We have the camaraderie of sisters. We tease, we discuss, we enlighten each other. I told her of my frustration to find a gym that fits my needs and she told me of her gym (one I had looked into previously) but found it just wasn't me. That's probably why I want to join Crunch. But she threw out some tempting morsels. Like I could join her gym and we could go to the gym after work everyday. Which would be cool. A partner to instigate me to go. But at the same time I think I would get bored easily. I need something that keeps me a little fascinated. I want to find one of those gym/hip hop classes. Perhaps something others might think wacky and yet would make me intrigued until some other class got my attention and I jumped on that bandwagon. (Yeah I'm a true Gemini, I know.)

Onwards...

Strains of music played in my ears as I walked, no strided to my late night destination. Mini Discman popping out tunes I'd burned into it. I know my thoughts probably revealed my actions. How much would I say or do to get what I wanted. I had no idea yet, so I strode to the desired location.

In the dim space I wasn't afraid. Muted faces and bodies crashed into each other. Music jammed out of the hidden speakers and I began to move alone, hoping I wouldn't be seen first. Hoping I would get the distinct view of seeing him walk over to me. I didn't. His fine ass slithered behind me. His hands crawled around my waist and his smooth lips kissed my exposed neck. Twirling around I smiled as seductively as I could possibly muster. Arms entangled, stretching, skimming between hot, sticky, skin. Hands pressing down backs, entangling in hair as we strained to be closer. No kissing involved, just skin on skin. Bodies twirled around. Music pumped so loud I could barely think, let alone speak. So I went with movement. I danced within the circle of his arms and I promised nothing. I never saw the drinks we consumed. I just felt the ice hit my lips. The steam inside the place was atrocious and yet it encircled us like a shield. And my nails danced up his arms, and he turned me around and held my shoulders and I was transfixed. Hips moved in time to the beats behind us. Our hair already semi slicked with the heat. A wavy strand of mind fell into my eyes and he brushed it away. He was like a coat on me. Wouldn't give up the hold and I wasn't asking him to.

And then as soon as it started it ended. Just like that. A smile, a hand running through his hair and its over. Movement pushing us both to different corners of the room. Me slithering away before I could get into more damage. And as I walked back to the tube, skin turning to goosebumps as a cool breeze hit my back I smiled.

Walking through my front door I grabbed a cold water bottle before locking the door and walking to my bathroom. There I peeled my clothes off and took a shower. Walked back into my room. Opened the window and flopped into bed. My wet hair hitting the back of my neck. I fell asleep to the sounds of cars as they drove passed the building. When I woke up today I couldn't help but smile once again. I like reminding myself what I can get into if I don't try to hard.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t