2001-09-01 | 5:55 p.m.

I know I used to feel like I looked like a woman beaten and broken by the breakers of life. Or what I thought my-so called life dealt me. And maybe I was. Important word being was.

And I guess not necessarily breakers as in ocean waves, as I'd first meant by my analogy, but by those who broke life. But now. Please, now I am not going to pull away when shit gets nasty or good.

And it's funny when people tell you what they think of you. And its even funnier when those people demand you don't look at them that way and yet act EXACTLY like that, so what should you expect? And I say this expecting nothing. I say this thinking nothing of them. I'm not a judge and I refuse to be judgmental of people. Different strokes for different folks is what I say now.

But if your going to brush that up to my face when you know I think your full of bullshit then you'd better be ready for me to let you know. Why lie? Why fake it? I don't care about what you do. But when you bring me into a situation then your making me look like you do by the simple association I have with you. And that people, that is not cool and I don't play that game.

I've gotten to this point with a lot of experience's under my belt, but I sure as hell am not going to let anyone make me look like a fool when the biggest fool there is, is the person starting this whole charade.

PULLEEZZZEE!

Thanks to Joanna I now want to run to any indi rock record store and look around and grab 69 love songs. Damn her for telling me about them! But now see I must get them because they sound amazing and I'll probably be singing their songs again and again and again. It'll be a sad pathetic sight. And you can thank her letting me know about them. (I guess I should thank her too for introducing them to me...but I'm pretty sure she knows that already.)

I went out to celebrate my father's birthday yesterday. We went to a nice French bistro called Brasserie Les Halles. I had a great meal and a great time. The place was a bit boisterous though which was annoying because it seemed like we were screaming at each other when we wanted to talk to each other. But it was good food which was impressive.

I've been added to two new diaryrings. I couldn't help myself. One is for bitches, the other for Jay & Silent Bob. Love it! Yep, it's all about spreadin' the love baby.

I just realized I am doing nothing at all this long weekend. Which kinda sucks because I should use this time to just go somewhere or party hard. And yet I don't feel the need to. I don't know why. I was supposed to meet up A after dinner with the family yesterday but I called in too tired and stated I wasn't making it. Which is sad, because I really used to party hard before. I think it's just because it's getting too hot and I get annoyed at the weather and feel no need to dance let alone drink the night away. (Yes I know its sad). Or maybe I'm just growing up and trying not to spend all my hard earned cash on crap that goes away on a weekend. Not sure yet which side to be on. I just know I'm not going to be doing jack this weekend. Oh well...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t