2001-09-02 | 1:24 p.m.

I live by 2 motto's. One is never doubt myself. The other is live life to the fullest.

And yes they might seem super sappy and stupid but so far I've been doing well with them. I know what I can do and what I won't, and I do the most that I can on a day by day basis. Because if I stop swimming in this vast world I'll sink. So its either swim or sink and I prefer the former rather than the latter.

That's probably why I've been doing what I'm doing now. And probably why I feel so liberated. I'll tell you right now that things are just easier right now. Easier in the sense that life is not so complicated as I once thought. Not so demanding and not so frivolous. Sure I'm a drama queen and I know it, but I have a shitload of good qualities that I often forgot or misplaced. So for right now, I'm all good.

Things are really good actually. I'm working to what I want to become physically and I think I'm making progress since I was recently told I was getting thinner. Which is nice but I can't wait till I start seeing the progress. I want to get tight abs and toned arms and when I do I will be so damn happy. I have this trainer for 5 personal sessions at Crunch and I recently told her that I want the Madonna arms and Brittany Spears abs and she showed me some exercise's that I could do repeatedly to get the look. So I paln to do so and hopefully I will eventually get the look.

And you know I'm sick and tired of getting those tired glances or mentions from people that don't feel like they have this gift anymore. When I say gift I mean getting what you want. Reaching for it because your trying your hardest to do so. And it's just about respect as Aretha once said. If you can't give it to me then step off. I don't need the animosity. Worry about you and don't worry about me. And that's all I can say. And if you think I'm wrong then say what you have to say. And please don't be a coward and hide behind someone else. If you can't fight your own battles then you shouldn't be playing the game after all.

OK so I was having this conversation with a friend today on the phone. And she was just bringing down all these bands and singers and I used to do that. I used to say that all these boy bands were gay. That both Brittany & Christina were stupid. But that's so stupid for me to do. A lot of their songs are good and truth be told I have a lot of their CD's thankfully bought from Mr. Bootleg guy. And then she went off about Brittany Spears. How she dislikes her music and her style and blah, blah, blah. And while I used to share the same sentiment I don't anymore.

The girl, like so many other pop sensations, are out there doing what they do best which is singing. Just because they're in the spotlight doesn't mean they have to be a damn role models. Hell when it comes to Brittany all these little girls adore her. And then parents think she's too slutty or this and that and when it comes down to it all, I think it's up to parents to restrict their children from outfits that they think are inappropriate and not some teen pop singer. C'mon now! Plus she's not overtly sexual and who cares if she is? She's out doing her thing. I think the people that get annoyed by these pop creations are the one's that just can't let it go and see it for what it is. Good music to dance to and listen to. And maybe the reason for it all is that they are jealous of these so called pop stars. But if you seriously think about it, there have been pop stars since we were kids. They just came in different forms. Madonna. Janet Jackson. Prince. Michael Jackson. Cyndi Lauper.

And I still love Madonna. I love the way she created different styles throughout the years. I enjoy her music and style more so now then before I think. And it doesn't mean she doesn't have brains up there. She does. She knows how to market herself and that's amazing. And I like Brittany and Christina and all those other pop bands out there. They aren't supposed to be deep songs. Just good one's you listen to or dance to. Shit I still listen to Holiday and dance my heart out. So I wish people would just stop with their 'hoight toighty' views on how they suck when these people are selling CD's left and right. And we're talking millions baby! So I'm proud to admit I like them. I don't care what others think. It's what I like. And that's what matters after all.

I think I'm coming down with a cold. Which sucks. I was going to meet up with A for some fun in the sun but I didn't even feel up to it. I just want to stay home and do nothing. I guess I'm lucky since this is a long weekend and I can do just that. Let's just hope it doesn't blow up into a big cold where I'm sniffling all the time because its a pain in the neck already that I keep sneezing all the time. It's a drag to say the least.

Anyways, I'm off. Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t