2001-09-20 | 11:00 p.m.

I can't believe it's finally Friday tomorrow. It's like this week didn't even happen. And yet it did. And it was such a relief for me when I turned on the TV later today and I saw some stupid sitcoms instead of news anchors.

I still feel like I haven't taken a deep breath yet. And it's been days. I know I should try to resume back to normal but it's very hard. And I can't stop believing in possibilities even though I know the reality of it all. I can't. I won't.

I do know that I need sleep. Really need it. I can't keep waking up in the middle of the night and staying up in fear of what might come. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's been rumored that something might happen again on the 22nd. I hope it won't. I can't stand any more tragedy.

It's bad enough we might be going into war, and I'm sorry but that's not comforting to know that we might retaliate. Think about it this way. When you were a child and let's say a friend or an older sibling took something from you or smacked or kicked you, you would then retaliate with a slap, kick or pinch. Since they have slapped us, apparently we "have to" slap them. (And I understand that people are angry and sad and frustrated because of all this pain they have rammed upon us). But if we slap them won't it just make them angrier and therefore come after us with a vengeance? It scares me because we are all so angry and sometimes anger makes us blind. And I'm not saying that we shouldn't do anything about it. Fuck I lost friends because of these mad men. But I just don't know what to do about it. I don't know if death is justice enough since apparently these people are crazy and let's face it fatalists, willing to believe a mad man.

I'm just...confused. Frustrated and confused. Lost is more like it. Because I don't know what else to think or say or do. And I don't know when I will be able to start putting stuff back together again. Making sure everything connects. I just know that right now I am still scared. I never liked feeling scared and that was only when I was watching scary movies. Now it feels like my whole fucking life is a scary movie.

I want to speak to the writers...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t