2001-09-20 | 1:01 a.m.

So in a desperate need for a distraction I went out tonight after work. I didn't want to really socialize, but I knew the time had come to interact with other people instead of family or co-workers.

I met A after work and we went to go get a little pampered. Well she did sitting in her massage chair as she got a pedi and I had the hairs under my arm ripped away from me by a quick - and might I add skillful woman. After we met another friend, K and walked down to an interesting eating establishment called Kate's ?? Forgive me but I've lost the name already.

It was a vegetarian and organic place and the food wasn't that bad either which shocked me. I usually assume it tastes gross. Nice surprise. We had a slow paced meal with a lot of conversation, some bordering on the incident but a lot just staying away from it. I think we've all been burnt enough by it and we were tired and frankly we wanted to talk about ANYTHING other than that.

Made a "gym date" for tomorrow after work with A. Which might fall through since I told another friend I would go over to her house. Not sure yet. I really don't want to go to either but I know that I need to go to the gym and eventually immerse myself back into the land of the living. Walking around in a trance is not going to do me any good.

I bought some candy today. British candy. I've regressed to my childhood, I think. Comfort candy and also sleeping with my mom in the room.

Shut Up...

The pathetic thing is that I can only sleep through the night when my mom lays in bed with me. And yes I know it's overtly childish but fuck it. It comforts me. She comforts me. I listen to her breathe as she falls asleep (which she often does lying next to me) and suddenly I am awake the next day. I'm pretty much lulled by her breath's. And it's a good thing. I feel the love and I need it. Plus I need more sleep than what I've been getting. I won't be fit to stand soon if I don't get more than 2 hours a night.

And before I end I want to say that people who put fake lists online for "apparent" survivors of WTC are bastards. What kind of sick prank is that? I mean I see no enjoyment of knowing that you are creating a false hope for anyone who sees a name they recognize. It created false hope within me. And I hope to god that these people get punished. Locked away in prison for a good time. They have no respect for the dead or for the missing. Fuckers.

I'm done. Too tired and still too drained to actually make any more coherent sentences. Goodnight.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t