2001-09-21 | 6:55 p.m.

"In the end, only kindness matters."

~ Jewel

I heard that last night. Trying to find a distraction while watching Letterman. I ended up crying. Maybe it was because it felt like she had whispered it, almost like a prayer. Maybe my damn just broke then. I'm not sure. I just know that I can't take this but I still have to. Still have to mend my mask with glue that's so weak it's like spit.

I hope that this weekend I will get more than the 2 hours of sleep I've been getting on a regular basis. I feel like shit and I know it's also partially due to the fact that I haven't had enough sleep. It's almost like I fight it now. Like I don't want to go to sleep for fear of what I will discover when I wake up in the middle of the night or the morning. It's dramatic, but it's true.

But I have to get this out of my head. I have to focus on something else. This is probably why I said yes to A when she told me about drinks later on tonight. I might go. I'm not sure. There's not really much to make me stay at home anyways. I might as well go and try to be distracted. Not sure though.

For now I'm going to go try and rest.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t