2001-10-06 | 3:20 p.m.

Slipping out of the house early last night I went to meet up A at Kat's joint. It's like a meat market on Friday's there. Which is funny compared to the rest of the week when people just go to eat the good food.

After we decided to have a drink at Niagara. Big mistake! Obviously being around my girlfriends was really nice. But I have to admit none of us can deal with the bar crawl scene at all. I think it's because we don't take any bullshit. And let's face it the bar crawl scene is all about the bullshit filter. So we finished our drinks and pushed our way through the filler of fluff that was out there. Walked K to her building in St. Marks and then popped into a cab with A heading uptown. Came home and flopped into bed. Managed to actually get up again to wash my face and brush my teeth but that was it.

Woke up today and somehow felt a little bit better. I think I'm going to get better now. I think I'm done. I told myself as I was laying in bed that I can't cry over spilt milk anymore. It's done. It's over. I now have to pick myself up and keep going. Take command of my life and make sure I am doing everything I want to be doing so that I am living every minute of my life. This means I am going to resume back to normal. I am going to start going on those dates again. I am going to make sure I'm at the gym again and again. I'm going to make sure to wake up and not feel fear or sadness but to make sure that I have at least one "high" to my day. And yesterday it was going out with A and K. Eating dinner and then having a drink after. although the environment wasn't to our liking we ended up meeting a friend of A's who was as shallow as his other friend and then we left. We cracked jokes back and forth because that's how we are. I found out that G got engaged and that's good news.

I realized that life goes on. And I can either sit and pout and sulk for what I've lost or I can go on living and make sure I don't waste any time while I'm doing so. And I have decided to do just that. To not waste time.

So today I am doing many things. Baking my cake. Making my necklaces and maybe going out at night tonight again. Not sure just yet.

I have to say one thing though. I have been making bead necklaces and bracelets as of late and it's amazing how Zen like I become while doing them. I tune the world out and concentrate on making sure I get it just right and it's a good thing. Plus I have to admit my creations are getting good feedback. I keep getting compliments. And it makes em feel good, that I get something out of it all when I finish each piece and that it makes me concentrate more and releases some of my pent up energy. So it's a really good thing.

And before I go I changed my links around. Added some new people. Took some out. I just thought it was time for a change.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t