2001-10-30 | 5:13 p.m.

I really hate the fact that the Halloween plans were so all over the place. It was supposed to be somewhere and now it's changed. Which is fine. But now all of a sudden I have to pay? If I had the money I would. Hell I never mind paying to go in somewhere. But don't tell me one thing one minute and something else the next. Especially if you know I can't & won't shell out big bucks to get into some place that I will then need to pay for drinks which will cost me an arm and a leg also. So I've decided to just forget about it and go out with M & N and look at costumes downtown. Maybe watch the parade. After we'll have a cheap drink in some dive bar. We are all laid off so until we either hit the lotto or get great jobs we three can't spend mucho cash. But fuck it, we'll still have a good time somehow.

TV in the morning and early afternoon sucks. I keep channel surfing expecting to find some gem to watch. I forget that it's not going to happen. That anything that might seem worthy of my attention only happens after dark. And I refuse to watch any of the crappy white trailer trash talk shows. They are ridiculous and let's face it take time away from me that I'll never get back. I also won't get swooned my Martha Stewart's monotone voice and how to make the perfect Halloween cookies or decorations. Fuck that.

I finished my book today. Yep that's right, in one day. I figure at least this way I'll finish reading everything that I've been dying to read on my book list. Keep up with all the good books out there that I haven't had a chance too. It's either that or send out mass quantities of emails with resumes attached to them. Hey at least I'm sending them out even thought there hasn't been any call backs what so ever. Then again it's not like I'm expecting much these first few days, especially with all the crap going around now. Although I won't lie about it, it sure as hell would be nice to have some feedback on the resumes I am sending out. And yes this is free time for me now and I should suck it up and enjoy this time now. Before getting into another job and working hard once again. But I have news for everyone. It's not fun sitting around or being at the gym or outside and waiting for something to happen. For someone to call back and express something. And yes people always say you can collect unemployment. I filed for it. Now in 4 weeks I will know if I'm good for it or not. Hopefully by then I might get a check or not. (If I haven't said this yet this really sucks. REALLY sucks.)

I've been listening to Elton John's 'I Want Love' too much. Can see myself writing the song had I had the time and inclination to do so. Of course bloody Elton had to step in and actually write the damn thing...so there you go.

Something's up though. I can't quite pinpoint it, but I feel it. Just walking down the NYC streets I call home I can feel it in the air. I don't know if it's a silly premonition of shit to come, or not. I do know I don't like what I'm feeling. So maybe it's better that I don't go all crazy this Halloween. After all I should lay low while I can. And yeah I'm still cranky, but screw it. It's not like I haven't been here before or won't be here again.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t