2001-11-03 | 7:52 p.m.

This is such a weird time for me. I don't know which way to act on certain days. Today was better though. No more tears. I'm trying to clamp down on those. It doesn't do me any good. I end up feeling sad and depressed and I know it won't bring my friends back.

What I need to do now is live my life like I hadn't been doing so. Doing everything. Making sure that every minute of the day is filled with something. Because as I heard Ferris Bueller once say, "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in awhile, you could miss it."

So I've decided that I'm going to try and enjoy my time while I'm unemployed. Yes I now know what my unemployment check will be every week and the $ amount is ridiculous, but fuck it. I won't be on it too long. I'll find something good soon. I'll send out the good vibes so they can come my way around again.

This upcoming week I plan to go check out a few movies I've been dying to go see. They are in no particular order: Shallow Hal, Monsters Inc., Serendipity, From Hell, Amelie, Donnie Darko, and Riding in Cars with Boys. I think I might be going to see Amelie with B on Tuesday, nothing's set up yet but we both want to check out the flick and he has a day off so maybe an early afternoon matinee might not be so bad.

I went out with my mom today. She wanted me to check out a dress she saw for me. I was a little negative about it because I didn't want to buy a dress and because I didn't see a point in buying one. But then I tried it on and I understood why she wanted me to have it. It fit like a glove and it looked really pretty. So she got it for me. And now I have this wonderful cocktail dress that I'll probably use more than I think I will. Then as we walked home I stopped by the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka for PG's little marathon party tomorrow. (I feel bad if I come to someone's place empty handed. Don't know why.)

And tonight, tonight I plan on staying in. Watching some Mad TV. Some SNL. I might stroll up to Blockbusters and grab Margaret Cho'snew comedy video. Laying low for a bit. This way at least I don't blow cash on things that I can't right now (ex. drinks).

And before I go, someone please slap me silly. I like the new Brittany Spears songs. What am I going to do now? I might be going mad, I might have anthrax - I'm not quite sure just yet.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t