2001-11-16 | 3:55 a.m.

Crunking it up Joaninha style...

* My purchases at Sephora the other day are working out nicely. I've worn the combo eye shadow color I bought from Cargo lately and I keep getting compliments left and right. While I'd like to think of myself as strictly a MAC girl I can see the virtue's of other make up. For example the 2 eyeshadows I got from Cargo and the Delux lip gloss. It's AWESOME. If I would get the lingo down pat like l.bug can, I would say: "fer shizzle ma nizzle" but then I don't know what the hell that means. Still it's pretty funny to say.

* Rocking a cute little outfit today. Feeling very trendy if I do say so myself. Yep you know what that means, I'm feeling sassy! Still I think I look cute. Denim skirt to the knees, black turtleneck, knee high black boots. Yep looking hip and happening. Of course if I did I wouldn't actually say that because I guess then I wouldn't be "cool" but like I care. I've been dancing to Bootylicious pretty much all morning so it's not it matters if I'm a dork or not, I know I am.

* Me thinks a lot of people are stressing poor Riot718 out. They should leave her alone. Girlie girl needs all the rest she can get. People should know when to back the fuck off.

* I emailed this person from the past. I'm willing to bet he won't email. But that's ok, the silence is beginning to work for me.

* I got myself a new faceplate and back cover for my cellphone. It's looks all eurotrash. I can't wait till it gets shipped to me. When my brother actually switches it I'm sure it look dope as hell. It's red transparent with chrome trim. Yep all about being bootylicious with my gadgets. Next thing you'll know I'll rhinestone my palm. (Nah, I'd never do that shit.)

* Went out after the "date" with B. Met N and had a few drinks. Pissed off the parents royally because I left the house at AM. I can't believe how annoyed they were. It's a Thursday, I'm unemployed and I want to have some fun. It's not like I was going to cavort with drunken sailors and let them impregnate me or something. This is when I realize they are WAY over protective sometimes. It's like I'm 25 and they should cut the cord. I know they love me but sometimes a girl needs to just break out and have some fun. Of course I just ended up wasting money I didn't have but you live you learn ya know?!

* I am so disappointed with M & V. They turned out to be people I didn't think they were. Once again you live and you learn. Oh well. Goes to show me that I shouldn't trust anyone and everyone just because they say they are a "friend". I've actually decided to cut shit off. I have drama in my life and I don't need anymore. Right now it's all about me looking out for myself. No more "friends" because they end up hating rather than appreciating. No more giving up on myself. I'm the one who's going to stick around and when the world goes fucking crazy I'm the one who's still going to be here at the end. Fuck that.

* I've got a headache. Yep, wonderful start to my Friday. Then again I've drunk my share of libations. Should of stopped after the 3rd drink. Once again I live and learn.

* I miss Brazil and family. They keep emailing saying they all think the family should move back. But you see I can't. I don't feel like that's home anymore. And as much as immediate family is there I don't see "home" as being there anymore. I would feel a loss if I left NYC. I feel like I'm growing with it now. Like I've faced something I should have never faced but now that I have I have to buckle down and live. And not go running back to Rio because immediate family is asking me too. I love them. God how I love them, but this is my life - not theirs.

* Lastly. I have to be true to myself. I have to cut the fat where I should cut it. I should focus and realize that I am strong and talented and beautiful and that no matter who may come into my life and try to trash that, well it's not fucking true. It never was. And if they try to trash me it's only because they are jealous of who I am. Someone who is passionate and confused and learning and growing up. Who has a huge heart but that needs to learn not to give it up away so easily. All I have to do is walk away from the bad stuff and make sure I stick with the good. Because I can make it at whatever I choose to do and whomever I choose to become. Fuck anyone who thinks any less of me.

Joaninha, signing out...



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