2001-11-17 | 11:02 p.m.

I've never loved anyone completely. I don't think I recognize the emotion. I know I can't admit to myself that I need someone that much. It would be admitting weakness. Lack of control. And while I've heard before that needing someone doesn't make me weak, I can't see it that way yet. If I love someone then I should be able to love someone without needing them. Does that make sense? And I've never needed anyone before, so I've probably never really been in love. Which is ok. I'm young still, I'm sure the time will come.

Kate Bush & Alicia Keys are on a loop in my sound system. Their voice's soothes me.

I had an idea in how to change the layout. As you can see by now it's actually worked out really well. I had asked for help but because I am inpatient, especially when I'm looking at something I want to learn how to fix, I did it myself. And while I appreciate all the help I ever get thanks to those out there like sexy lexy, it was really cool that I managed to do this myself. While I'm at it I have to thank celerysticks for letting me spy on her design and incorporating it into something I really wanted. As anyone can see I have and achieved something I can live with. More than that actually, I like it a lot. I have more to add to this new layout. But those can be done with time. For now I have the basic jist of what I want which makes me incredibly happy.

I was going to go see a movie alone tonight but I've grown lazy as the night has worn on. I don't feel like changing from my lounging around clothes and walking out the door. Also I think there will be hoardes of lines everywhere, especially since this is Harry Potter weekend. Of course that's not what I want to see, I want to see Novocaine tonight. I also want to see Monsters, Inc., Shallow Hal, and Amelie. But I'll see those sooner or later.

For now I'll just lay low and stay at home. I'm tired and nothing like chilling at home after all.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t