2001-11-27 | 9:42 p.m.

There's this emergency now a days. This urgent need to move on with our lives. To not be hassled with the normal tedious day to day stuff because you should experience everything now, now, now.

I saw it today in my friends eyes while we talked over coffee. I read it in PG's last entry. It's this urgent need to do stuff now rather than tomorrow because of the fear that something might happen today. And I can somewhat understand this theory, especially after the shit the whole world's gone through.

But, and this is a BIG but. I don't think I've ever lived in the now. I'm always planning for something in the present future. And yes granted this isn't the greatest way of going about doing things, but then again I've never been quite on the straight and narrow no matter how much I've tried to be. Call me foolish or stupid but I'd rather not lose my sense of being a dreamer. Having that pass me by would be so sad. I wouldn't be me. I'd rather have my head in the clouds rather than have my feet "firmly planted on the ground". And the other option seems so boring, so un-original, so blase. So I'll take my un-practical ways and dream of stars, the sun, the moon, and fairytales. I'd rather have that then be "normal". I'd rather listen to songs repeatedly and wish on them rather than being so obnoxious.

Because I find the other side to be really obnoxious. That and because the other side doesn't understand how if your a little insecure, how you can be capable of doing such marvelous things. Of thinking and saying and feeling. Well let me just admit that you can be insecure but that doesn't mean you can't be true.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore. I just don't like the sense of urgency around me right now. It's not healthy and it doesn't help anyone. So I'm not going to push for things I want. I'm going to take the steps to accomplish them like I wanted to before. You can't force fate after all.

I met this cool guy today. Hopefully there might be more to say on that subject later on, but he is really cool so far.

Waiting in line at Strand is always interesting. People watching there is amusing. I'm always inventing stories about people buying books or selling them. Today the guy in front of me looked like he was selling a stash of old books (he racked up $90 for them) to get drugs. I'm not kidding. He has this glazed over look that I can only assume has something to do with drugs. That or he's ingested way too much cough medicine.

Anyways I managed to rack up $30 with the 2 bags of books I brought in so it wasn't that bad after all. Tomorrow I bring the bags of clothes to charity like I did last month and then I think I'll be done for a while. After all I will have taken care of everything that I've been wanting to. So I think I'll be good. From tomorrow on I can just focus more on going to the gym more often. I've been doing 3 to 4 days a week and I want to work on going everyday, even weekends. Well ok maybe I'll take Sunday off. Still I want to focus more on that.

Time for me to go. Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t