2001-12-25 | 7:02 p.m.

Am I the only one who doesn't like frosty cool weather? I'd rather have it be balmy than watch my nipples freeze over. Then again my nipples are pretty cute.

I really hate being poor right now. I'd like to find a job soon. This daily grind of no job and nothing to do but play is wearing me down. Surprising, yes. But I'm beginning to forget who I really am in all this chaos.

Supporting my Buddha belly this season I stuffed myself with good food that my mom cooked Christmas Eve. Nothing like mixing cultures when it comes to feasts. We had a Brazilian/Italian/French/English Christmas Eve dinner. As usual I shoveled as much food into me as possible. I have to remind myself to go to the gym next week. If not I'll flop right over like a beached whale.

After dinner and many photographs by the tree to be sent to grandma in Rio I hauled ass to meet A & L. Lovely night! Went to Sway (which might I add last time I went I had a little tete-a-tete with MS. I proceeded to inform him that he has to step up to the ball when it comes to music because the crap he called music previously just wasn't cutting it. And no I don't mean the good songs he's made - I mean the crap ones. He was very kind if I can remember and even bought me a drink.)

Anyways...

Had a few drinks with A because L managed to leave earlier thanks to our discussion about licking assholes. Really the man is such a boy and oh so squeamish about shit like that! So we had a good time thanks to a couple of drinks and some funky tunes. (Yes even some DD in the mix much to A and I's pleasure.) Then I headed home to bed around 4ish. Dad awake watching a TV show. (And I say watching in jest because I knew he was waiting up for me being that he didn't want me out anyways). Then again this girl had to party so off I went. An early night really since I've been hanging out till much later lately.

Moving on...

I have to admit that Christmas isn't mystical for me anymore. I used to have candy coated visions of it growing up, but this year I've had those all smashed to pieces. It's as if I pulled the wool from over my eyes and suddenly I see what it means. Just a fabrication. People buying people gifts to appease something inside of themselves. And I'm ashamed to say that I've fallen prey to just that. Because I bought things for everybody. Gifts on top of gifts. It makes me realize how wrong everything is right now. How I wish I could change things, but how I have no fucking clue as in what steps to take to change those exact things. And it's not just all about me. The spotlight is never just on me (as much as I wish it would be). There are things in this world that I can't change because I have no control over. And I fucking hate that. And I hate to admit it too. Because I want total control of as much as I can handle. But maybe this is where I go wrong. Because maybe sometimes life is just a series of accidents and you have no control over them? Maybe there's just no simple answer to the questions.

Anyways...

How wonderful an idea is this? Clearly coming from the Brits because they're saucy that way. (And I say this having lived there most of my life.)

I also loved this. Because I'm:

You are passionate about what you want out of life, and some have even described you as coarse. But deep down inside you have a good heart and that's all that matters. Actually...all that really matters is that your boyfriend is Brodie! Take The "Which Kevin Smith Female Are You?" Quiz!!

Santa, or should I say my family, was very good to me for Christmas. I mean I bitch and whine about the whole thing before due to issues of the past & present but I have to admit that my family rocks the block when it comes to knowing me for me. I say this because I got a shitload of good stuff. A digital camera, a DVD player, a wonderful movie that I've been wanting forever, a new fancy shmancy phone, and a beautiful watch. Oh and the added bonus of lovely sweaters also! All the things that I had wanted and had mentioned at one time or another during the year. so it made me feel nice in that way that they actually listen sometimes. I'll probably be updating a hella lot more photo's thanks to the lovely new camera gadget. Yey!

All in all not so bad.

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t