2002-01-13 | 5:34 p.m.

God this city is a wicked little town. But I don't think I'd have it any other way. Nope, not at all. Tonight was supposed to be open bar night. A catered birthday party with free drinks. I didn't know the birthday girl and I didn't care. I just wanted to rock it. Except I never made it out to said party. Crazy reasons for being there but not being there. Ending up in a bar with Kwazyboy and his friend. Getting calls from G for me to call her back and when attempted she was screening or wouldn't pick up. Eventually the ladies came back to where I was. And hey it was all good.

I've realized that there are some things that change you and there is no going back. That there are some things that darken you in the best of ways. I'm not lost in my ways anymore. I'm not deafened by the noise. And yes there are some days where I wear more make-up, and I'm not quite sure why. Maybe I just choose to paint myself up to the image I want to see in the mirror? Maybe I just like the way I look? I've taken steps back only to realize that I need to run full speed ahead and done so. I've run fast and noticed that the holes in the plan have been patched up and I don't know why or how but I like the fact that they aren't in shambles anymore. I like being the me that I am now. Learning and dealing and finally getting to a carefree stance. And it comes down to just being all good. It's all good.

And last night was fun as usual. Having drinks with friends and then moving on to Escuelita's. Hadn't done that in a long ass time. And yet it was fun to see the drag queen show's. It was fun to bring K along for the ride I almost forgot about. It was all good. Nothing but laughs, drinks, and fun. What's not to like from a Saturday night?

It definitely closed off my partying mode, at least for a bit. I need to set myself back with a bit of time to be on the down low. I need to make sure that I'm covering my ass when it comes to the 2 bills I have. I need to be ready and smart and not as frivolous as I've been these past 2 months. It's time to shape up a bit and make sure all bases are covered. And I will, and eventually I'll make some time out to hang with the girls. And eventually shit will settle and I will find a job and I will be ok because I will find that job structure I want. So it will be ok. Yeah - that's what I tell myself.

But for now, it's Sunday and I've had my fun. Today is about relaxing and sleeping and making sure that I watch the TV shows that I like to watch tonight. And tomorrow is another day and I will get up and try to do it all over again. And eventually it will stick and I'll move on to the other level.

It's all good.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t