2002-01-26 | 2:29 a.m.

I've been really trying to let go of it all. Have no more drama. Honestly. I've been on a roller coaster ride lately. Wanting things I don't have now. And I just can't do it anymore. If I don't have it now, then I'm not meant to have it now. It will come to me when I need it, or should have it. I also had to stop with taking it all in. Internalizing it. Thinking that there could be a reason to all this madness if I really wanted there to be a reason. But I'm sweet and wonderful and there's nothing I could have done to foresee let alone do. Those shady thoughts are being dismissed from my mind.

Thursday night I met M for drinks. I felt the need to go out and just do something. The caged bird needed to fly a bit. So I met him up for a few drinks at a lounge on the upper east side. We chilled and had mellow conversations. All good.

Friday night I met the crew of friends to go bowling. Drunk bowling. OK well more like "Joana getting nice and toasty as she watched some of her friends and people she knew by coincidence getting just as toasty and trying to attempt to bowl." See I don't need an activity when I drink. I can just chill and drink. Obviously conversation follows through with the whole drinking process (if you desire) but who the hell needs an activity while drinking? It takes too much for my brain to function on shit like that when I drink. So instead I watched friends make complete asses of themselves, while simultaneously trying to get my mack on briefly with cutie near us. Didn't work and I was getting bored so I busted a move and met A.

When meeting A I didn't realize it was some dive bar. Great place though - a huge glass of Tanqueray and tonic for under $6. You can't get any better than that. Had a nice time and was called by N telling me to come down to where she was. I was happy to but she never told me the locale so I ended up just going home after a few drinks. Which is all good because next weekend is A's birthday and it looks like Thursday night might just be insanity night to be talked about for a while. (Everyone gets together and I or someone equally as talented ends up in trouble.) But hey it's going to be one hell of a ride to roll on, and I'm all about having fun - even when I'm not bling blinging it. Ha!

I recently watched John Cusack in America's Sweethearts. It was on cable. And yes I loves me the Cusack - hell he's on my laminated list, but dear god he was so wrong in that movie. EEK! Poor sweet Johnny - he needs some Joaninha lovin'. Had he had some he would of backed out of crapola movies like that BIG TIME! I also heard that they are making a remake of one of the great movies. Charade. Audrey Hepburn & Cary Grant are probably rolling in their graves. Who would have though that a remake would happen and that it involves Thandie Newton & Mark Walberg. Yes I know - it's tragic!

Love the fact Jennifer Garner is on the cover of the new Rolling Stones. Picked it up early today and so should you. The girl kicks some mean ass!

It's time for me to go to bed. It's only 3am but better an early night than later.

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t