2002-03-20 | 10:03 a.m.

I�m changing. I used to be a fresh-faced young chick-a-dee. Ready to try to impress anyone who let me. Lately I've seen the change, while still helpful and willing to aid others I am more selfish with myself. I've changed over these few years. Nothing I really do now is done to impress anyone at all. And that's ok with me. It's better than being the person I was before. I see it now, every time I look in the mirror. And it's so nice. So nice to be finally able to look into the mirror and like me for me and not for who I can become. The 'maybe' snapshots aren't me now, they may never be me. And yes I can dream - but this time around I dream with certainty that there is nothing certain in the world. That it's not just black and white but a bunch of different colors in between. I feel good. Really good...(well despite the fact that my throat feels like sandpaper every time I swallow). Still I smile though, because, baby it's all good.

I really want to get this:

Or this:

Depending I guess on what's cheaper. My brother say's that the second option is just bollocks. And since he's usually right when it comes to these types of things I'll stick with his opinion. Then again he thinks the idea of me getting a new phone when I have my perfectly good old little cherry in working condition is stupid too. And while yeah he does have a point he also has a sweet ass mobile himself. And why may you ask am I babbling about this? I don't know! It's just every time I look at that phone I go all googly eyed and want to cradle it in my hands at coo at it like it's my baby or something. Tragic I know. Please I'll be the first to accept monetary donations for the loony bin anytime.

I wish I didn't come into work today. The weather certainly didn't help being that it was pouring when I got out this morning and this cold of mine is beginning to really bother me. But today is payday and that's always a good thing. Granted the majority is going to pay bills but then again I should be glad to have the cash to pay said bills to I'm not complaining what so ever. I think I am going to try and play a little of my sick card and get out of work earlier. I�m just not all here right now. My ears keep popping and I haven�t been able to smell anything let alone breathe properly for the past 3 days. It�s infuriating to lay down because if I do I get all clogged up and can�t breath and start coughing up like I�m an old woman coughing up her lung. Yes I know, not a great image � still it�s how I�m feeling. But my boss is cool. She said if by like 1 I�m still feeling yucky then to let her know and just go home. No use getting me any sicker or anyone in the office either. She has a point and if by 1:30 I still feel nauseous like this then I�m outta here.

For a re-cap of last nights Real world please go here, as usual its all good stuff. And The Osbournes as usual were at their finest. I roared with laughter at the fact that Ozzy almost had a shit fit when Sharon thought he looked smart in the Ricky Martin wannabe coat. Obviously he know what pop crap music is. And then when Sharon asks the nanny when they see off Jack going to some sort of tree hugging hippie camp if she thinks that he "needs medication." And the nanny replied, "No, he needs a full night's sleep." I just about almost peed. Then Ozzy commenting on Kelly�s tattoo and how he thought it was an eagle on her ass, really it was just too bloody funny. This show is just sheer genius. I don�t know who came up with it but they should be awarded the highest prize for TV shows. It�s absolutely fucking marvelous.

I have to end here. I�m generally not a happy camper right now thanks to this overbearing cold. So I will stop before I begin to babble on the importance of Pez dispensers or something to that manner.

Later�



p r e v i o u s // n e x t