2002-03-31 | 5:29 p.m.

I am so tired right now. Tired and a little fed up. But then I get like this sometimes. I think it's when the city and everything in it start getting a little too much. When I start thinking of packing up my shit and heading off to new and uncharted territory. And I realize that part of my frustration is that it's getting nicer out and the aggravation of dealing with tourists every time I walk to and from work is a pain. That and the fact that my brother got back from Rio today with a nice tan and a few Brazilian things for me. And maybe its just me being homesick, But right now I'd kill to be sitting by the beach, caipirinha in hand and smelling the sea air as I laughed around my family.

But honestly I'm also a tad fed up with everyone's attitude. Oh and lack of manners. Because this city is big on both of those two elements. And frankly I thought it was very newyorkish before, to always seem to have an attitude. Right now I feel as if its just bollocks. It's not the whole reasoning of "if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen" at all. It's more like "fuck you buddy, because I said so." And that, yeah that is just so ridiculous. I'm all for being quick, hell you have to be in this city being that its so fast paced. But I'm beginning not to deal well with the lack of manners. *grrrr* Which is probably why I sent this around at work Thursday and why everyone laughed when they got it. Not that anyone was, but its good to have in case you ever need to tell somone that they are but can only do it via email.

I returned the pair of jeans I purchased back to the crap. They didn't fit me well at all. Oh well. I still have one pair of jeans tucked away in case the one's I wear now get too fucked up. Still I'd love to get myself a pair of dirty denim ones. But with my body it's hard. I'm tubby and most people don't offer jeans that fit me nicely. ON used to before they started their horrid low rise jean selection. But not anymore, which sucks, but there's nothing much that I can do so I've let that go already. Still the search is still on for a good pair of jeans. I love the fact that good friends told me to try Earl jeans or another brand and I literally burst out laughing. I looked at them and then at me. For a size 0 to 4 those brands might do quite nicely. But for a larger volutpous sized woman those jeans aren't happening.

Thursday night did nothing for my weekend. I'm still in a crappity mc'crap mood. It happens. I'm just fed up with a lot of bullshit out there. I think I need to buy daffodills. Yep. I intend to do so this week.

I kinda want to see this. I'm not a big fan of golf but I'm a lover of Bill Murray. If his brothers are as witty as he is then it should be interesting.

The family had a traditional Brazilian late lunch at like 3 in the afternoon. I made the steaks & french fries and my mom made the black beans, the greens, the rice and pretty much everything else. We don't really celebrate easter. Well if you count my mother nagging me to death to go to church but me not going, and getting chocolate from my mom and dad, then thats what Easter is for me right now. Not that I care about it at all. Lately I've found that I really don't have much faith at all and having a religious holiday like this is just another day for me to sleep in. Yes I'm going to hell, I don't care.

I created a blog for myself. Only because there's a lot of stuff I find on a daily basis online that has really no point to be uploaded here. But now I can upload them here. It'll get re-designed soon hopefully. (I've asked for help so when I get it, you'll see it.)

Later...



p r e v i o u s // n e x t