2002-04-12 | 12:23 a.m.

So after a long day of waiting around to get tested and then sign paperwork I have passed all tests that need to be passed to be an American citizen.

To 'celebrate' my father took us after to a bistro for some French food. While I'm sure the lovely steak frites would have appealed to me any other day, today felt like I was eating up my dignity, which I ended up doing because when it comes to fighting with my dad it's better going along with him in these scenario's so when I really need to fight about something I can try and go against the grain then. Besides there's not much to fight about since Brazil doesn't mind have double citizenship for people so things might work out ok in the end.

After the meal I walked around Union Square with my mom and did some shopping. Bought some slutty shirts and nice thongs (if that can even be possible), a denim skirt, cute socks, and then I came home with a lovely migraine, mostly due to all the anxious feelings of the days before and, well, today as a whole day in general. It will be nice to go back to work tomorrow. Granted its a Friday, but still better being at work then what I did today.

I also managed to buy some more Hello Kitty stuff. A mouse pad and from the looks of it maybe a mouse and keyboard (if I'm lucky and I get the winning bid - plus they're mad cheapo). So we'll see. I'm still pretty happy with the previous HK purchases. Can't wait till I get them. I also got a $25 certificate for Amazon which I will use to get myself something off my wishlist. Yeah nothing but materialistic crap, I know.

But you know from the looks of it, a whole buttload of crap is going to be cleaned out of my room this weekend by little old me, so I'm not stressing. The desk area needs a whole clean up, including the drawers. it's just a mess. Plus I know there's a lot of crap in there I just don't need.

While I'm being materialistic I need to get myself a shredder and a filing system. I'm sure I can find both at the Staples near my house. After I get those I can re-organize myself once again because frankly I am not all there lately.

I think its because I'm once again at a point in my life when I know that things are changing for me, where I'm changing myself. And I know the change is in the works, I just don't know what it is. And I hate waiting around for shit like this to happen, I want to know NOW. I want to move to it and not wait and let it come to me. I'm a Gemini after all. And I know I'm not fulfilled, but I'm hoping that sooner or later I will be. It's just a pain in the ass to wait for the clarity and the peace to set in. And I can honestly say that I cleared that level in its smallest form before. But now, now there's something more, something different and I am staring at the precipice of it all wondering and anticipating as to what my life will turn into. Because there's got to be more than what I am now. Because right now, yeah right now I'm not cutting it anymore.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t