2002-06-28 | 9:36 p.m.

I've grown weary of running. Running away is never the answer. Stuff has gotten messed up lately around here for me. But if I run it still won't matter because the problems will come with me. So instead I stay and I try to fight. Fight within myself to try to realize what I'm doing wrong with myself. I tell myself to become more independent but then burrow down into my hole some more. Hoping for answers to my problems to be layed on my lap in some sort of silver platter. It won't get done if I don't get down and dig. Sure it's dirty work but maybe the dirty work will make me become cleaner in the end. And knowing me I am nothing if not resilient, so I will survive one way or another. And yes, things are different. But they are what they are and I won't pretend any different.

I ended up cutting my hair. It's not in a nice bob. Actually right now it's pulled back in a ponytail and all the errant strands are tucked back with bobby pins. It's too hot to keep it down, even in my air conditioned room.

The cramps are killing me. It's never fun surfing the crimson wave, but when you then add cramps and severe back pain into the mix it's not a pretty cocktail. I walked around today in St. Marks trying to make myself better. But the heat that warmed my skin did nothing for my cramps. So I came back home, after having purchased a few things that I had needed. I am now the proud owner of red low Chuck Taylors. I wanted to buy the hot pink high tops too, but one pair will do. Eventually I'll buy the high pink one's and a pair of black low one's too. They are so comfy! that and they are pretty damn sweet too, plus I remember having one in almost every color growing up. So it's good to go back to the good when it's been done before.

It's time to go.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t