2002-06-30 | 12:33 a.m.

I'm such a dumbass. Really, such a twit. I expect SO much of people and when they don't give what I expect I sit and sulk in my corner and curse my world. What's the use of actually expecting shit from people who I know they will never do what I expect of them? And really what's the point of trying to be friends with these people? Have I not learned that the only true blue friends I will have is family? And yes granted they can be complete wankers at times, but hey family does that. And so what is the point of having so called 'friends' that dick you over? I am so tired of this. So tired of it all. It's amazing how I allow these people to keep coming back for more, walking all over my fatass. Well no more! I'm done with it all. I won't sulk in my corner anymore because there is no point. Absolutely no point at all! So fuck them, and fuck my old self. Honestly walking about without a backbone and letting everyone step all over you is stupid. Just as stupid as they are. So I'm done with that. Out with the old that didn't work and in with the new that quite frankly should have been here a few years ago by now. And sod off to all the stupid wankers, because they are. And now I, I am free. Free to be who I am and want to be and free to say what I want without holding myself back. So yeah, sod them.

I've updated the CAM link. Enjoy. I really like the photo myself. Always trying to be artsy fartsy, I took this image with my digital camera while lying down in bed. Charming I know. Still I like it. I like it a lot.

I got a pedi and mani today. My nails are a nice shade of blood red right now. When I walked back home I stopped into Strawberry's and picked myself up a nice bowling back. In black and red. It's small and very cute. I don't know what's up with me and red bags lately. I have this attraction to them. It's like I hone into them at stores and stare lovingly at them. Who cares though because the bag I purchased today was the bombdotcom so it's not like I give a toss anyways.

Cutting my hair into this bob was probably the best thing I did. The hair is so easy to take care of. And if I walk out of the house with wet hair by the time I get to work it's all wavy and curly and dope. No stress whatsoever anymore. No more hours of blow-drying. Love it! So I'm going to keep it this way for a bit. The long hair is high maintenance - just as much as short hair is. So I'm going to stick with the in between.

My brother bought me Mallrats. I think he bought it out of guilt. I say this because usually on my birthdays and at Christmas we give each other various presents. Thsi year on my birthday I only got one gift. I felt jipped. And yes I'm a bitch for saying that but when you expect something and don't get it you still feel jipped. And then when I found out he spent like $800 for a box to store his watches in I was pissed. So I've been off and on with him. I try not to be but after having that party where no one showed up and only getting one gift from him I was like what else will happen? (I know, I know, I'm a bitch what fucking ever.) So today he gave me the Mallrats DVD. One of the things I had wanted. I thanked him for it because hi it's a gift, but still I felt like he was trying to buy my happiness there. And yeah I can't help if I'm a bit jealous. He makes a hella lot more money than I do and get's whatever he wants and once again you can see the jealousy in this. What can I say? He's my older brother, while I love him I still think he sucks for being better at many things. Then again I rock at certain things he can't deal with. So I guess what I think is unfair is kinda fair. Or at least I hope it is.

I need to get to bed. The World cup game is tomorrow morning at 7 ish in the morning. This means my ass has to be awake before then. So, yeah...later.



p r e v i o u s // n e x t